Welcome back, Cleopatra. Sorry it's because of a relapse, but so very glad you had the awareness to come here. Like others mentioned, I too struggled with some pretty spectacular relapses...that on the surface I could say, "came from nowhere". But really, it was about letting go of what I really thought about alcohol. That until I let go of the thought that 'alcohol is great and can do xyz for me'. (usually I wanted it to relax me and feel better)..no amount of time sober was going to protect me from a relapse.
It's hard to say all the layers of work and dealing with life as to how my sobriety finally stuck, but I did finally get so disgusted with the hold it could so easily grasp on me after periods of sobriety...it scared me.
Originally Posted by
Fearlessat50 
I am almost two years sober now and I guard my sobriety with everything I have now.
This. ^
I had to swap the line of thought;
"My life is nothing / not enjoyable without alcohol", to;
"My life is over and worth nothing without sobriety".
I thought my life was empty if I didn't have alcohol in it. But that wasn't true. My life is not only empty, it's a slow and freaking painful death watching myself continually ruin things if I drink.
Until we treat sobriety as THE MOST valuable thing we have, and place it at the centre of our life / self-care. Then we honestly have nothing of value in our life if we continue to drink. Nothing.