uuugggghhhh, I so get this. The image my AH always tried to show in therapy was "the good guy" and would constantly tell us I'm the best guy I know, I do more than any other husbands I know ....... So when he told me he was done in his passive aggressive I have no spine kinda way "I know what you want..." (I made him clarify because that kinda talk is confusing and I needed him to own it) I was shocked. I had given him so many chances and here he was saying he's done. The funny thing is now its been a year almost since that conversation and he seems in shock that we are going through a divorce. I don't know if he thought that would get me back in line or that I would just go quietly broken and scared. He seems to think I don't know what my rights are or that he can manipulate me into whatever he wants. He has seemed to be living in a state of shock for months now. You know he's not a nice guy I would not discuss a divorce settlement in therapy at all. Did you know therapists can testify in court? They can, anything you say or put on paper or discuss can be referenced. Please protect yourself and your kids. I also dont think its a great idea to do any negotiating until you have had a chance to process this. Consult with an attorney ask them about the regular process and what that looks like, they can do all of that without a retainer.