Can'tTrust…….repeating what Trailmix said....he will never not be an alcoholic...and would have to work a strong program, vigilantly, to be in genuine recovery and keep the addiction in remission....
It takes most alcoholics a long time to really accept that. Early recovery...which is the first few years...one to five years, depending on who you talk to...requires diligent commitment to a program, with sobriety as their first priority in life...above all else...because if sobriety is lost, everything else will follow. It takes time and commitment....and, wiliness to do the hard work.
Many alcoholics will relapse many times, before they can really accept this fact...some never do....
I can really relate to what a kick in the gut, it is for the loved one when a relapse occurs....it is like, in one swift move, one's heart in plunged to the ocean floor....I think it is worse than the original drinking period....because one has used all their efforts to get their trust and hopes up...and, then...wham!
Here is the thing...as I see it...You and your husband are adults...and you have had a chance to live a life and develop the ability to ride the waves of chaos.....but, your children are still tender young shoots...in the developmental stages...so the effects of having the alcoholism in their lives had much, much more impact o n them than it does their caretakers. They will carry the damage and memories into their adult lives....They are like little sponges, and they "absorb" everything around them. Parents almost always underestimate how much this happens.
Long story short...your husband is going to drink or not...and, you can't crawl into his head and do anything about it. It is, ultimately up to him...
The task, for you, will be to do what is in the best welfare for you and your children, in the long run. You cannot depend on him to do that...it will be your responsibility....fair, or not...that is the reality....
It might be a good idea to read the words of Adult Children of Alcoholics...it gives a perspective of this from the horses' mouths....You can get their Big Book and literature on amazon.com.....
for you...you can take advantage of the following.....
Alanon meetings
reading, every day from the following sources:
"Co-dependent No More"
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
(more than 100 excellent articles!)
http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/E...tml------great articles on alcoholism and the alcoholic mind