Lorie, accolades to you for your service. Being a police officer is risk every.single.day. It is made doubly more difficult when your shifts are long, and add working a night shift on top of that. I can see why alcohol could help someone like you "relax" or "come down" and try and get good sleep (with adrenaline pumping, thoughts churning, the mind is hard to switch off). Perhaps you can request a shift change to try, not knowing what your seniority or bid system is, but maybe your doctor can make a recommendation on your behalf? That being said, I hope for your sake you can transition back with a toolbox of alternatives to relaxing. Blackout curtains, white noise, meditation CD's, a post-work workout, swimming or hot tub, sauna. There are many things to try to help with the anxiety I'm sure comes with the job. Good luck, and congrats on a long sober span! Keep up the good work!