LB,
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS, my friend))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You know that we come from pretty much the same "story". I feel your pain. I am so sorry that you can not just "cut contact" from axh. I think you need to leave the home and have no more conversations with him. Everything he does irritates you, so get out of the home if you can. Let him take ownership for an hour, go and get your hair done, a message or your nails done. Come back looking beautiful and refreshed.
You know you don't need to engage in conversation with him. You are giving him the power over you. I believe in Karma, I really do. He was not a good husband or father, and was a drunk on top of that. He has enemies, he is not the devoted wonderful man you think everyone feels about him. You need to stop obsessing about him and the hate you have for him, because it will continue to eat you alive.
What are you doing for you? Can you exercise, are you meditating or eating right? Do you get any therapy to vent your anger? There is help for all of us and you need to reach out and say you deserve it and go for it. Ask him to come over more so you can get out but do not engage in any conversation with him.
I couldnt imagine still having contact with my axh. Mine works for an NFL team and I don't watch the football games anymore so I don't have to see him on the sidelines. No contact and moving to the west coast has helped me move on in life.
I know that you don't have that option, but you are deserving of a happy life. Please don't let him have that power to control you even divorced. Karma... in time he will get his just do, just be patient. Please remember that you are a wonderful, caring beautiful person. You deserve to get up with a smile on your face and be happy. It's hard work but you can do this!!!
Sending tons of hugs to you from the west coast to the east coast!!!