I have two boys with Autism. In the past, I have a hard time getting, My oldest to leave the house too. Raising a child with Autism is, in simplest terms, HARD. I don't think you give yourself enough credit.
Look what you've been through with your ex, your older kids, your son. You've been through the wringer, many times! I've read many of your posts. I can feel the hurt just from reading your words. I don't know you personally. Maybe you don't feel like you're good enough, but you are! You matter, you deserve to be happy just like the rest of us.
I hope you don't leave SR. Post when you need to, it helps to get it out.