Hi Quit,
It takes each of us a certain amount of self-disgust to reach the point of making the commitment it takes to stay sober. My first sponsor liked to say "Don't ever forget your last drink, or chances are you haven't had it yet."
For all the pain you have been through, it need not be without value - remember this for as long as you live, and you can use it to avoid having to experience it ever again.
Make your plan and work it every day like your life depends on it. There is virtually no growth in your comfort zone, and virtually no comfort in your growth zone. Stick with this until sobriety becomes your new normal, and you will begin to live a life you probably don't even realize exists.
Good luck & keep posting!