Oh wow I can feel your pain in these words.
Pick up and move forward.
You know what to do.
I really understand how work pressures like this can throw a person because it always happened to me. I finally had to put my foot down and defend my sobriety in order to stop the cycle of those “important” work beers with the boss.
Early in sobriety (by which I mean the first year) I said “no I’m sorry I can’t”. Then when I was solid in a year and with a lot of planning I would go and when the ordering happened I ordered my seltzer. And shut down the conversation about my drink choice, if it came up. Most of the time it didn’t/doesn’t. If it does I treat it like any other lame topic. Because really, discussing what a person is consuming and why is what people talk about when they don’t have anything else to say. Think about it. “A salad? You’re eating a salad? Why?” “I, uh, decided to order a salad. It’s my go to light meal.” If they invited you to coffee, and you ordered a tea, would that be a hot convo subject? No. It might be a passing remark and it would be an awkward one, showing they had literally nothing else to say.
But early on, because it’s actually loaded, don’t go to these meetings. You absolutely don’t have to and I promise no one will judge you.
And if HR judges you for not drinking with them, run away from that job. I’m serious. They very likely won’t but if they do they are not only not worth your labor but are also unethical and possibly illegal.