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Relapsed by work pressure - Just any answer will help.

Old 08-05-2017, 08:25 AM
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Unhappy Relapsed by work pressure - Just any answer will help.

Hey everyone.

So, I'm feeling particularily ****** today. Something actually really sad happened, which it is my fault.

So after struggling for over 6 months to find a job, I finally did it. I was so happy, I cried because I got it and I had put so much effort in this, it's crazy.

However, yesterday I was ask to go and sign a contract on a "Friday Beer" and was invited by the manager and HR to get a beer. I haven't even started yet. I was terrified, obviously, I should not have accepted, but I did not want to disclose that I am an alcoholic. So I had one beer.

The rest what happened its history. I lost my bag, with my working contract in it, lost my phone and spent a lot of money. That one beer got me to square one again. I am devastated. I feel sad, mad, dissapointed and I just can't do this anymore.

I live in a foreign country and I don't have anyone to speak of this, and my family has already suffered enough because of me. So, right now, I know I'm fetching, I know it will pass, but I just need to listen it's going to be okay.

I'm 28 years old, and alcohol has damaged my life horribly. On top of that I am depressive and have OCD. Actually, I have lost all hope in me, I hate myself and don't know whats wrong with me.

But hey, I'll keep trying.

Just thanks for anyone that reads this.
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Old 08-05-2017, 08:27 AM
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Now you know what not to do. Kudos to you for coming here and coming clean. Keep posting, this is a great community!
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Old 08-05-2017, 08:33 AM
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Hi, put it down as a mistake and get straight back here and sober, dont beat yourself up, you cant change what happened but you can change from here on, wishing you all the best
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Old 08-05-2017, 08:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Hope1989 View Post
Hey everyone.

So, I'm feeling particularily ****** today. Something actually really sad happened, which it is my fault.

So after struggling for over 6 months to find a job, I finally did it. I was so happy, I cried because I got it and I had put so much effort in this, it's crazy.

However, yesterday I was ask to go and sign a contract on a "Friday Beer" and was invited by the manager and HR to get a beer. I haven't even started yet. I was terrified, obviously, I should not have accepted, but I did not want to disclose that I am an alcoholic. So I had one beer.

The rest what happened its history. I lost my bag, with my working contract in it, lost my phone and spent a lot of money. That one beer got me to square one again. I am devastated. I feel sad, mad, dissapointed and I just can't do this anymore.

I live in a foreign country and I don't have anyone to speak of this, and my family has already suffered enough because of me. So, right now, I know I'm fetching, I know it will pass, but I just need to listen it's going to be okay.

I'm 28 years old, and alcohol has damaged my life horribly. On top of that I am depressive and have OCD. Actually, I have lost all hope in me, I hate myself and don't know whats wrong with me.

But hey, I'll keep trying.

Just thanks for anyone that reads this.
Today is a NEW day. Stay positive. You have a brand new start. Try and look ahead...and not look back. You can do this!
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Old 08-05-2017, 08:52 AM
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Hugs, sympathy, and understanding to you. Hope1989, you can DO this, and if you refuse to drink, you will recover and more.
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Old 08-05-2017, 09:11 AM
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I can understand how you feel. It is so discouraging to realize that you are out of control-again. But today is a new day. Yesterday is gone. Go forward!
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Old 08-05-2017, 09:30 AM
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Thanks guys. It means a lot to me. Right now as you can imagine and having a terrible day.

It just kills me thought of starting from 0 again.
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Old 08-05-2017, 09:32 AM
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Then back to sobriety eh?

Other opinions of what to say to others may vary but if you don't want to say you're an alcoholic, phrase it differently. You can tell others "Alcohol has never agreed with me; when I drink I don't sleep well and I'm not focused and fresh in the morning. Would you mind if I have a soda with lemon?" Something true that I tell people is that if I drink I cannot enjoy all the other things I like to do in my free time, some of which require manual dexterity.

Is there any hope in retracing your steps? Could your bag be in the lost and found at a bar for example? Can your employer provide a replacement copy of your contract? Live and learn.

You need to remember that you are more than your mental illness symptoms and also remind yourself that alcohol is never the right medicine. Alcohol can induce depression, anxiety, psychosis and also cause amnesia. It cannot ever be your friend despite what it may flatteringly promise.
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Old 08-05-2017, 10:39 AM
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Thank you very much guys, it means a lot to me.
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Old 08-05-2017, 10:53 AM
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You made a mistake. The thing is, if you stop now, you'll start your new job sober and that will be a great start.
Go back and check if your bag is in the bar - it's worth a go.
Re: contract - unless you have to sign and return, I wouldn't sweat it for the moment, ask for a copy a little later on, once you have your feet under the table.
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Old 08-05-2017, 06:36 PM
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Lots of people don't drink. Not all of them are alcoholics.

Some don;t drink for religious reasons, health reasons, some don't want to be at any risk drinking and driving.

Noone should ever be forced into drinking.

Be a proud non drinker - and do your job well

D
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Old 08-05-2017, 06:54 PM
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I started a new job at 8 months sober. The first Friday I was there they had a "Beer Friday". I was pretty nervous and just wanted to get out of there. I was offered a beer and I found a magical statement that worked for me. I said, "No thanks, I don't drink." The person just nodded and said that's cool and that was it. I also noticed that way more than half the people there weren't drinking. In my mind everyone always drank all the time but the reality is that just isn't true. We think differently and once you are honest with yourself you can be honest with the rest of the world and you'll find out that no one really cares if you drink or not, it's just your head that tells you they do.

Next time tell them no thanks and that's it. You don't even need to say you don't drink. Another trick is to have your own drink in your hand like a pop or water or tea, whatever. That also tells people that you are good and not looking for anything. Good luck next time and say a prayer and try to mingle without the booze in hand!
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Old 08-05-2017, 06:59 PM
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If you know you're allergic to peanuts, and someone asks you to sign a "peanut butter sandwich contract", you wouldn't do it. But since you're an alcoholic, part of that "beer contract" probably sounded pretty darn good and so you drank.

Just like the nut allergy would put a person in the hospital, a few beers put you in a bad position of losing your purse and phone and getting in all sorts of trouble. You knew that would happen, and you still did it anyway.

It's called alcoholism. Welcome to the club. Maybe instead of signing "beer contracts" with the HR team, you can sign a "no booze" contract with yourself. Sobriety doesn't happen magically - you don't wake up and all of a sudden you're 5 years sober. It takes work. Recovery means saying NO. Nobody is going to say no for you, you've got to do that part on your own.

Be tough from now on, you can do it. Stick to your guns. Draw a line in the sand. No means no. Zero alcohol means zero. Not one drop. No more bars and no more pubs. Period. That's it. It's a very simple plan, and the word "nope" will help you succeed.
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Old 08-05-2017, 06:59 PM
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You don't have to say you are an alcoholic silly. Just say no thanks, I'll have a Coke please. It's no ones damn business. No job, person, or situation is worth going back to square one. And the last time I checked I've never heard of anyone getting fired for not drinking. I however have lost many jobs because of my behavior when I drink at work events. Yep... This girl and happy hours at work do not mix. Sounds like you are not at peace with who you are. Well be proud and have no shame in taking control of your life. xo
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Old 08-06-2017, 02:58 AM
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Originally Posted by bigsombrero View Post
If you know you're allergic to peanuts, and someone asks you to sign a "peanut butter sandwich contract", you wouldn't do it. But since you're an alcoholic, part of that "beer contract" probably sounded pretty darn good and so you drank.

Just like the nut allergy would put a person in the hospital, a few beers put you in a bad position of losing your purse and phone and getting in all sorts of trouble. You knew that would happen, and you still did it anyway.

It's called alcoholism. Welcome to the club. Maybe instead of signing "beer contracts" with the HR team, you can sign a "no booze" contract with yourself. Sobriety doesn't happen magically - you don't wake up and all of a sudden you're 5 years sober. It takes work. Recovery means saying NO. Nobody is going to say no for you, you've got to do that part on your own.

Be tough from now on, you can do it. Stick to your guns. Draw a line in the sand. No means no. Zero alcohol means zero. Not one drop. No more bars and no more pubs. Period. That's it. It's a very simple plan, and the word "nope" will help you succeed.
You are right about this. It is my fault; I'm actually not try to blame it on anyone else. I made a mistake, could not handle a situation properly. I was very confused. My intentions were in the right place. However, I guess there is nowhere to go but up, again.
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Old 08-06-2017, 06:56 AM
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Yep. Start again, with the benefit of this lesson.

And next time, post on here BEFORE you go into the situation. I've learnt that often the wise words from folk here has helped me handle situations much more wisely and confidently than I'd have managed on just my own resources.

This is all learning. I know it seems like the end of the world right now, but you're just that one mistake closer to long term sobriety is all.

Stay close and keep reading and posting.

BB x
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:01 AM
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Like many said, today is a new day.
Progress not perfection.
Glad to see you back here
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Old 08-06-2017, 09:44 AM
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Brings to mind the old saying "Its not how many times you get knocked down, but how many times you get up".
Good for you, getting up again, and stronger than before, I'd bet.
Its a new day.
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Old 10-22-2018, 04:33 PM
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I know this thread is over a year old but I expect this issue pops up all the time, feeling compelled to drink at social or work functions.

I don't have a problem with alcohol. I used to drink socially and enjoyed it, but in the past few months noticed that if I even had one drink my stomach would hurt the next day. I went gluten-free in the past few months to help my stomach also and it *has* helped.

So now I don't drink at all. If anyone asks I tell them the truth, it'll bother my stomach the next day. No one pressures me but I wouldn't care if they did.

Just say no, it really is fine even if it's "Beer Friday", even if it's the company culture to go out and drink: It's fine not to. It is absolutely my firm's culture to drink at social events. The firm provides an open bar at every event. They pay for Uber/Lyft if people are not safe to drive home. That's how embedded alcohol is.

But: there are always those (and now me) who don't drink. It's a non-issue. No one cares. Just say no and don't worry about it.
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Old 10-23-2018, 02:05 AM
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Oh wow I can feel your pain in these words.

Pick up and move forward.

You know what to do.

I really understand how work pressures like this can throw a person because it always happened to me. I finally had to put my foot down and defend my sobriety in order to stop the cycle of those ďimportantĒ work beers with the boss.

Early in sobriety (by which I mean the first year) I said ďno Iím sorry I canítĒ. Then when I was solid in a year and with a lot of planning I would go and when the ordering happened I ordered my seltzer. And shut down the conversation about my drink choice, if it came up. Most of the time it didnít/doesnít. If it does I treat it like any other lame topic. Because really, discussing what a person is consuming and why is what people talk about when they donít have anything else to say. Think about it. ďA salad? Youíre eating a salad? Why?Ē ďI, uh, decided to order a salad. Itís my go to light meal.Ē If they invited you to coffee, and you ordered a tea, would that be a hot convo subject? No. It might be a passing remark and it would be an awkward one, showing they had literally nothing else to say.

But early on, because itís actually loaded, donít go to these meetings. You absolutely donít have to and I promise no one will judge you.

And if HR judges you for not drinking with them, run away from that job. Iím serious. They very likely wonít but if they do they are not only not worth your labor but are also unethical and possibly illegal.
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