Janis

I made through going out for "drinks" with the team in NYC. I'm staying in the heart of Manhattan right by Times Square. I was asked if I drank alcohol or why I wasn't drinking and I defaulted to a do drink but not now. As I watched everyone I was with have one drink then saunter off to go home I was really happy that I chose that diet coke. I decided to walk around a bit then go back to my hotel and watch some TV. I normally would've gone to a bar by myself which could be fun but if I play the tape until the end this is what it would look like. I'm waking up in a drunk/hungover fog most likely in my clothes from the night before and hopefully in my hotel and hopefully alone. I would be late, I would look sloppy and probably smell from the night before. I would get nothing from the training I had to do early and wouldn't have picked up on an assignment that I was just given. I would be sitting here praying for the day to end so I could go to the airport to drink MORE. I would land drunk and stumble off to the cab stand where I would promptly go home and get a couple more bottles of wine. I would drink until I passed out and smoke cigarette after cigarette (I don't normally smoke) and probably send out or call random people which I won't remember. Wake up Saturday to start the day out drinking all over again until the weekend is gone and Monday arrives as I'm in a panic over not accomplishing anything. Might work from home and continue to drink or go into the office having not showered since Thursday, most likely. I would be doing a half ass job, exhausted, dirty and just waiting to get home for another drink.

It feels good to break the cycle. I know I'm early and there is much more to go through but the withdrawals have ebbed aside from the insomnia, bit of muscle cramping, night sweats and slight headache. I would really like the night sweats to stop as they are really uncomfortable but I have to go through it.


I am happy that I have a space to unload my thoughts. This journey isn't easy and only another alcoholic can understand the importance of making it through drinking situations as I have over the last few days from work.