AAJP, I understand what you are saying. As I read your post, I thought, wow - you are dealing with a lot at once! It's very difficult to think in terms of "happy" when life throws what you are facing at you. I will share with you one of my life's biggest regrets: four years ago my grandson passed away. He was 18. My daughter called me hysterical about 9:30 pm screaming. I was in bed, drunk, trying to process what she was saying. She lives three hours and over a mountain pass from me. I rousted myself up, packed a little bag, and drove that night. I knew I shouldn't have been on the road but I had to. This could NOT wait until morning as there was no one there for her. I regret to this day I couldn't take in the full impact, let alone be totally present for her sake. I also admittedly shouldn't have been on the road driving. I am fully ashamed of myself having been a drunk. We get away with nothing when we are. Life is soooo much better dealing with the hard stuff while sober. I hope you find small sunny places in your day where you can sit and feel warm hugs. Our connection with our solitude and private thoughts (meditation) can help get us through our difficult times. My go to source for finding peace is my connection with nature. Hugs to you in your difficult time.