Sweeti, I'm sorry.
Does it help at all to know that many have been where you are--worse even!--and turned it around? What can you do to find hope in your situation instead of fear and sadness?
Of all the organs alcohol affects, and which you might have injured, you've damaged the one with the magical ability to heal itself. I think that's a sign! However hard and dark it gets, you can turn on the light.