Told by my doctor I have to give up completely. Got drunk for the last time.
Told by my doctor I have to give up completely. Got drunk for the last time.
Actually I don't even think I am drunk. Not sleepy or out of it. My doctor who I have seen twice this week said due to extensive scarring, severe stomach cramps and elevated liver function tests I have to give up forever. I had a full abdominal ultrasound yesterday. So that's it give up or develop cirrhosis and die. My choice. Why I drank today I don't know. Shock that this is it. I told the bottle shop staff I can't drink anymore. So I am stuck in AA forever much to my grief. I still have intense doubts about it but the meetings are helping. I got some sober time up. So here's to day one again in an hour.
Sweetichick I wish you the best of luck and I am sorry to hear your health is not 100 percent.
One of the things I would do in the past with drinking is quit by drinking more. It sounds ridiculous but I would say I will quit on sunday (cause thats the beginning of the week) and then I would drink my face off saturday night. Of course everything changed then.
I was blacked out but I wanted to 'remember' my last drink.
Or I wanted my last drink to be with so and so.
Or I might as well clean out those special bottles I have been saving.
Or I wanted a bourbon to be it instead of a beer.
I wanted my sobriety date to be a certain number.
I need to spend my last coupon at the liquor store first.
And as long as day one was in the future instead of right now, I could never get sober. My external circumstances no matter how bad they got failed to even get me going. I finally had to say forget all of that and just quit.
The guys and gals at the bottle shop dont miss me I'm sure.
Hope you can stay on day 1 today and grind it out.
One of the things I would do in the past with drinking is quit by drinking more. It sounds ridiculous but I would say I will quit on sunday (cause thats the beginning of the week) and then I would drink my face off saturday night. Of course everything changed then.
I was blacked out but I wanted to 'remember' my last drink.
Or I wanted my last drink to be with so and so.
Or I might as well clean out those special bottles I have been saving.
Or I wanted a bourbon to be it instead of a beer.
I wanted my sobriety date to be a certain number.
I need to spend my last coupon at the liquor store first.
And as long as day one was in the future instead of right now, I could never get sober. My external circumstances no matter how bad they got failed to even get me going. I finally had to say forget all of that and just quit.
The guys and gals at the bottle shop dont miss me I'm sure.
Hope you can stay on day 1 today and grind it out.
Good luck, sweetichick. Perhaps if you feel so much grief about AA, you can try a different meeting? I'm not sure what options you have in your area.
I'm sorry to hear about your physical ailments. In many cases, that damage can be undone after you develop enough sober time. The body can be remarkably resilient. The same applies to your grief about sobriety in general.
Keep trying. Best of luck. There is a lot of light on the other side.
I'm sorry to hear about your physical ailments. In many cases, that damage can be undone after you develop enough sober time. The body can be remarkably resilient. The same applies to your grief about sobriety in general.
Keep trying. Best of luck. There is a lot of light on the other side.
Sweeti, I don't know what to say anymore. I don't think you could have been shocked with what the doctor told you. I think you must have suspected as much. And, still you chose to drink. If meetings are helping, be grateful for that. We're here for you.
Actually I don't even think I am drunk. Not sleepy or out of it. My doctor who I have seen twice this week said due to extensive scarring, severe stomach cramps and elevated liver function tests I have to give up forever. I had a full abdominal ultrasound yesterday. So that's it give up or develop cirrhosis and die. My choice. Why I drank today I don't know. Shock that this is it. I told the bottle shop staff I can't drink anymore. So I am stuck in AA forever much to my grief. I still have intense doubts about it but the meetings are helping. I got some sober time up. So here's to day one again in an hour.
I think it's very important that you typed the words "My choice" above -and that's why I bolded them. It is truly your choice. And I hope you can make the right one.
Again, I don't mean to disrespect you or anybody who agrees with you. But what I'm seeing is an attempt to use shame as a motivator for change, when those feelings of shame might be what turns certain people straight back to their addiction in the first place.
Sweeti, very sorry to hear what you were told, but remember that by not drinking any more you absolutely cannot make the situation worse. It's now time to get some decent sober time under your belt. The more time you give yourself, the clearer your mind will become and you'll see other positive changes. Look after yourself and hit these boards whenever you are struggling and need support .
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
You have to put the brakes(emergency brake even) on your drinking and excuses you use to drink,if you want to get better. No one is going to get you sober..just like no people/place/thing(s) make you drink...it is ALL YOU, so it's up to you to change it...if you want to.
I'm sorry, but how is this helpful? People on this forum seem to go back and forth between whether or not this is a disease or a choice. That lack of internal consistency is itself a problem for people who are in the throes of addiction is it not?
Again, I don't mean to disrespect you or anybody who agrees with you. But what I'm seeing is an attempt to use shame as a motivator for change, when those feelings of shame might be what turns certain people straight back to their addiction in the first place.
Again, I don't mean to disrespect you or anybody who agrees with you. But what I'm seeing is an attempt to use shame as a motivator for change, when those feelings of shame might be what turns certain people straight back to their addiction in the first place.
I was surprised when Sweeti said she was 'shocked' by the doctor's news because she has been dealing with many health issues for quite awhile. Of course, I know, we are alcoholics and we react to most anything by drinking. And, I was not attempting to shame Sweeti, but was genuinely surprised that she felt so shocked by the doctor's diagnosis that it led her to drink.
I have been in the same place...pre-cirrhotic, torn esophagus, massive potassium and hydration depletion, merciless dt's, etc. For me, being drunk had to FAR surpass the horror of being sober in order to acquire the 4 months that I have this time. If you're into reading, take a minute to read William Styron's "Darkness Visible"...the title is a direct allusion to Milton's definition of hell in Paradise Lost. It is by far and away the most eloquent, unapologetic, and satisfactorily explained work I have ever read on addiction and depression. Best to you, for real
Sweeti, do you have a sponsor in AA? The program of AA is working the steps, not just meetings. The meetings are a means of face-to-face support, but working the steps is what AA is all about.
sweetichick
I thought giving up drinking would be a sad thing - I thought my life would be pain and pain after pain and I'd have nothing to deal with that.
I look back now and I see that quitting drinking gave me my life back.
D
I thought giving up drinking would be a sad thing - I thought my life would be pain and pain after pain and I'd have nothing to deal with that.
I look back now and I see that quitting drinking gave me my life back.
D
SWCH- whatever it takes..
I have made some genuine friendships in AA. For months all I got out of it was coffee and biscuits- and human company.
One day at a time? For me it seemed second by minute by hour some days. Post here a lot- join the threads- get involved.
Listen to your body and doc about the health stuff. I was dead 3 times in rather awesomely horrible circumstance- but the cards on the table told me if I did not burn, it would have been the liver, or a bus, or falling down stairs....
Support and my prayers.
I have made some genuine friendships in AA. For months all I got out of it was coffee and biscuits- and human company.
One day at a time? For me it seemed second by minute by hour some days. Post here a lot- join the threads- get involved.
Listen to your body and doc about the health stuff. I was dead 3 times in rather awesomely horrible circumstance- but the cards on the table told me if I did not burn, it would have been the liver, or a bus, or falling down stairs....
Support and my prayers.
I didn’t have the doctor tell me, but once my liver started to ache, I saw the writing on the wall. My liver aching motivated me to quit. I hope your prognosis will motivate you too! 6.5 years sober.
Sweeti, I'm sorry.
Does it help at all to know that many have been where you are--worse even!--and turned it around? What can you do to find hope in your situation instead of fear and sadness?
Of all the organs alcohol affects, and which you might have injured, you've damaged the one with the magical ability to heal itself. I think that's a sign! However hard and dark it gets, you can turn on the light.
Does it help at all to know that many have been where you are--worse even!--and turned it around? What can you do to find hope in your situation instead of fear and sadness?
Of all the organs alcohol affects, and which you might have injured, you've damaged the one with the magical ability to heal itself. I think that's a sign! However hard and dark it gets, you can turn on the light.
Sometimes being told that we can never drink again is what it takes to stop us, a good shock can do wonders. The good thing is that it's not too late for you health wise you can stop things from progressing into something awful.
As for AA, if you really dislike it so much find an alternative it's a support group not a punishment. From what I've read Refuge Recovery sounds pretty good or I have seen people post about Lifering/SMART why not investigate your options?
Good luck.
As for AA, if you really dislike it so much find an alternative it's a support group not a punishment. From what I've read Refuge Recovery sounds pretty good or I have seen people post about Lifering/SMART why not investigate your options?
Good luck.
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