Good luck, sweetichick. Perhaps if you feel so much grief about AA, you can try a different meeting? I'm not sure what options you have in your area.
I'm sorry to hear about your physical ailments. In many cases, that damage can be undone after you develop enough sober time. The body can be remarkably resilient. The same applies to your grief about sobriety in general.
Keep trying. Best of luck. There is a lot of light on the other side.