Sweetichick I wish you the best of luck and I am sorry to hear your health is not 100 percent.
One of the things I would do in the past with drinking is quit by drinking more. It sounds ridiculous but I would say I will quit on sunday (cause thats the beginning of the week) and then I would drink my face off saturday night. Of course everything changed then.
I was blacked out but I wanted to 'remember' my last drink.
Or I wanted my last drink to be with so and so.
Or I might as well clean out those special bottles I have been saving.
Or I wanted a bourbon to be it instead of a beer.
I wanted my sobriety date to be a certain number.
I need to spend my last coupon at the liquor store first.
And as long as day one was in the future instead of right now, I could never get sober. My external circumstances no matter how bad they got failed to even get me going. I finally had to say forget all of that and just quit.
The guys and gals at the bottle shop dont miss me I'm sure.
Hope you can stay on day 1 today and grind it out.