I think the guilt of my crap choices made me submissive. It made me maluable to others too. I'd get guilted into this or taht. and then made to feel like crap cause i drank etc... I'd then agree to anything it seemed like. This just added to my discomfort and crap circumstances so i'd end up drinking again to cope with it. and thus the cycle just kept repeating.
I got sober and was no longer so submissive / guilty started to get some confidence back boy did that rock the boat...