When I've been here (and I'm kind of here now) what's helped is to think of that AV as my "junkie brain."
Junkie brain is doing whatever it can to convince me to go back to using. Even saying, “F IT! Let’s drink and if I F Up then I F Up, ill deal with alcohol just like everyone else seems to do."
Here junkie brain is saying, "everyone else seems to be able to handle it.. maybe I can too.. maybe it's okay to go back to drinking.. I can control it better.. I'll do it differently this time..." It's a F'ing lier.
Its entire job is to find a way to twist your thoughts to make drinking acceptable and okay. To get sober, I have to battle this demon junkie brain that exists inside me until it exhausts all of its excuses and loses strength.