6 weeks today and boom I’m hit with STRONG AV
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 37
6 weeks today and boom I’m hit with STRONG AV
I posted a very “self inspiring thread the other day”
I was feeling so strong as I approached 6 weeks
I haven’t had cravings in about a month
Floating peacefully
The past 48 hours have been such strong AV and craving that I feel physically ill
I’m writing in my skin
Why is this wave coming over me? It can’t be physical
There just seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel
Am I cursed to a lifetime of rules, cravings, deprivation, meetings?
I was feeling so strong as I approached 6 weeks
I haven’t had cravings in about a month
Floating peacefully
The past 48 hours have been such strong AV and craving that I feel physically ill
I’m writing in my skin
Why is this wave coming over me? It can’t be physical
There just seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel
Am I cursed to a lifetime of rules, cravings, deprivation, meetings?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 37
I felt much more alive before I started this journey...
I’m sick of the back and forth
The temptation and resisting
The fear
The mental effort
Part of me wants to just say “F IT! Let’s drink and if I F Up then I F Up, ill deal with alcohol just like everyone else seems to do”
I’m sick of the back and forth
The temptation and resisting
The fear
The mental effort
Part of me wants to just say “F IT! Let’s drink and if I F Up then I F Up, ill deal with alcohol just like everyone else seems to do”
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 37
And lastly
A main motivator of mine was to free myself from the mental effort from drinking
If it’s equally mentalling exhausting to abstain (people return to meetings and this forum daily for decades) that means alcohol is always going to be on my mind
So I seem to be screwed
Is there no happy answer for me...
A main motivator of mine was to free myself from the mental effort from drinking
If it’s equally mentalling exhausting to abstain (people return to meetings and this forum daily for decades) that means alcohol is always going to be on my mind
So I seem to be screwed
Is there no happy answer for me...
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
I feel the same way you do. I dont want it in my life in any form. Especially for decades.
I believe it has and can be done.
You dont hear about it because those people have moved on and are living life, not sitting in meetings.
Theyre done with it
Im actively trying to put my attention elsewhere and break this round of obsessive thinking
I believe it has and can be done.
You dont hear about it because those people have moved on and are living life, not sitting in meetings.
Theyre done with it
Im actively trying to put my attention elsewhere and break this round of obsessive thinking
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 32
When I've been here (and I'm kind of here now) what's helped is to think of that AV as my "junkie brain."
Junkie brain is doing whatever it can to convince me to go back to using. Even saying, “F IT! Let’s drink and if I F Up then I F Up, ill deal with alcohol just like everyone else seems to do."
Here junkie brain is saying, "everyone else seems to be able to handle it.. maybe I can too.. maybe it's okay to go back to drinking.. I can control it better.. I'll do it differently this time..." It's a F'ing lier.
Its entire job is to find a way to twist your thoughts to make drinking acceptable and okay. To get sober, I have to battle this demon junkie brain that exists inside me until it exhausts all of its excuses and loses strength.
Junkie brain is doing whatever it can to convince me to go back to using. Even saying, “F IT! Let’s drink and if I F Up then I F Up, ill deal with alcohol just like everyone else seems to do."
Here junkie brain is saying, "everyone else seems to be able to handle it.. maybe I can too.. maybe it's okay to go back to drinking.. I can control it better.. I'll do it differently this time..." It's a F'ing lier.
Its entire job is to find a way to twist your thoughts to make drinking acceptable and okay. To get sober, I have to battle this demon junkie brain that exists inside me until it exhausts all of its excuses and loses strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 37
Yes it just seems impossible to fight a voice that uses my own thinking against me
I’ve recently been doing a lot of self work on trusting myself and being courageous
now I’m thinking: I need to be courageous enough to give drinking another try. It’s ridiculous but I can make sense of it
Or...
Sobriety is a life of extremes just like binge drinking is an extreme
You need a balanced life without such extreme in either direction..
I’ve recently been doing a lot of self work on trusting myself and being courageous
now I’m thinking: I need to be courageous enough to give drinking another try. It’s ridiculous but I can make sense of it
Or...
Sobriety is a life of extremes just like binge drinking is an extreme
You need a balanced life without such extreme in either direction..
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by soberFitness 
If it’s equally mentalling exhausting to abstain (people return to meetings and this forum daily for decades) that means alcohol is always going to be on my mind
So I seem to be screwed
Is there no happy answer for me...
So I seem to be screwed
Is there no happy answer for me...
But at least I wasn't drinking. I keep on. The focus became less on not drinking and more on living and loving the sober life.
Now, with eight years sober, I can say I rarely think about drinking or alcohol.
But I think daily about my recovery, about being sober and the blessings of that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
At six weeks in I was either thinking about drinking or thinking about not drinking. It was exhausting.
But at least I wasn't drinking. I keep on. The focus became less on not drinking and more on living and loving the sober life.
Now, with eight years sober, I can say I rarely think about drinking or alcohol.
But I think daily about my recovery, about being sober and the blessings of that.
But at least I wasn't drinking. I keep on. The focus became less on not drinking and more on living and loving the sober life.
Now, with eight years sober, I can say I rarely think about drinking or alcohol.
But I think daily about my recovery, about being sober and the blessings of that.
What’s the difference between thinking of recovery and thinking of not drinking?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by soberFitness
Not trying to be rude but genuinely don’t understand
What’s the difference between thinking of recovery and thinking of not drinking?
What’s the difference between thinking of recovery and thinking of not drinking?
I think approaching ones sobriety from "not drinking" framework implies that sobriety is a form of deprivation. That you are being kept, if even voluntarily, from something you enjoy.
Sobriety from a recovery framework is freedom. Something to be embraced. Living sober is a completely different mindset and the mind doesn't change overnight. Sobriety is also a skill...or at least it was for me, and I had to learn to navigate though life with a whole new set of coping skills.
I don't know if I answered your question. But if you felt great just a little while ago, you'll feel great again. You are in one of the many dips that make up early sobriety. You'll pull out, as long as you don't drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 37
Wow
Ok back to “confident” in my choice not to drink
It’s crazy how it feels like I’m fine for weeks and then a “spell” comes over me and all my brain is whacked
Now back to dealing with the fear of relapse
All I want is peace ...
And thanks for the replies
Truly helps
Ok back to “confident” in my choice not to drink
It’s crazy how it feels like I’m fine for weeks and then a “spell” comes over me and all my brain is whacked
Now back to dealing with the fear of relapse
All I want is peace ...
And thanks for the replies
Truly helps
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Six weeks is still very early in recovery. I had physical withdrawal symptoms for over a year. I saw a friend last night (a doctor) who noted that my memory seems better and I'm repeating myself a lot less than any time she has known me, and she knew me during active alcohol addiction and all through recovery.
"Endless meetings" aren't a required part of recovery. They are very useful for some in recovery. For myself 12 Step was very useful in early recovery, for about the first 90 days. Then I went into CBT-based outpatient rehab and stopped going to meetings. I never really returned.
I'm not knocking 12 Step, I'm just saying it's not the only game in town. However, if you are sober and AA is working and you're only 6 weeks in, I would not recommend changing methods just yet. I think the community is very helpful for a large number of people at that stage of recovery, and for some, it's a lifelong process with AA.
I'm more of an AVRT/Rational recovery and psychotherapy person. I just hit 500 days, and I have to say I don't think about drinking all that much unless I come here.
"Endless meetings" aren't a required part of recovery. They are very useful for some in recovery. For myself 12 Step was very useful in early recovery, for about the first 90 days. Then I went into CBT-based outpatient rehab and stopped going to meetings. I never really returned.
I'm not knocking 12 Step, I'm just saying it's not the only game in town. However, if you are sober and AA is working and you're only 6 weeks in, I would not recommend changing methods just yet. I think the community is very helpful for a large number of people at that stage of recovery, and for some, it's a lifelong process with AA.
I'm more of an AVRT/Rational recovery and psychotherapy person. I just hit 500 days, and I have to say I don't think about drinking all that much unless I come here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 32
I fully relate to the concept of extremes and needing a balanced life. Everything being all or nothing. If I like something or it makes me feel good I want an endless supply.
It helped me to read information on PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) and to learn it was a real thing that could occur months after I stopped drinking. It made sense of a lot.
It helped me to read information on PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) and to learn it was a real thing that could occur months after I stopped drinking. It made sense of a lot.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
I've been sober for 9 months, and I feel like a completely different person than I was at 6 weeks. I think the first part of recovery is more about "fighting the old" (our addiction) and eventually you get to a point of "building the new" (a much better life in recovery). For a long time, I felt like you did and lost patience too early in the process, but this time I spent a lot of time asking myself "why do you want to drink right now, and what can you do instead?" It does require some blind faith in the very early days, but if it stayed that hard, literally no one would stay sober. 
It gets SO MUCH BETTER.
It gets SO MUCH BETTER.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I was a complete mess at 6 weeks and at 6 months.
Hang in there. It does get better. Don’t let your guard down, you never know when there’s going to be bumps I the road.
6 weeks is still early sobriety.
Hang in there. It does get better. Don’t let your guard down, you never know when there’s going to be bumps I the road.
6 weeks is still early sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
I completely understand these thoughts, you really hit the nail in the head. I get so tired of the mental exhaustion trying to abstain that I give up. The truth is, I’ve noticed first hand that it DOES get better, ONLY with time and support (do you attend mtgs or anything?)
That being said even though it’s gotten way better with time for me I’ve still always ended up back at my first drink somehow.
right there with you. I hope it eases off. My therapist suggested making lists of things you want to do in the future or anything else really that will mentally excite you and distract you. Dunno if that might help.
That being said even though it’s gotten way better with time for me I’ve still always ended up back at my first drink somehow.
right there with you. I hope it eases off. My therapist suggested making lists of things you want to do in the future or anything else really that will mentally excite you and distract you. Dunno if that might help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Wow
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
There may lie your problem. You think abstinence and recovery is the same thing.
I think approaching ones sobriety from "not drinking" framework implies that sobriety is a form of deprivation. That you are being kept, if even voluntarily, from something you enjoy.
Sobriety from a recovery framework is freedom. Something to be embraced. Living sober is a completely different mindset and the mind doesn't change overnight. Sobriety is also a skill...or at least it was for me, and I had to learn to navigate though life with a whole new set of coping skills.
I don't know if I answered your question. But if you felt great just a little while ago, you'll feel great again. You are in one of the many dips that make up early sobriety. You'll pull out, as long as you don't drink.
I think approaching ones sobriety from "not drinking" framework implies that sobriety is a form of deprivation. That you are being kept, if even voluntarily, from something you enjoy.
Sobriety from a recovery framework is freedom. Something to be embraced. Living sober is a completely different mindset and the mind doesn't change overnight. Sobriety is also a skill...or at least it was for me, and I had to learn to navigate though life with a whole new set of coping skills.
I don't know if I answered your question. But if you felt great just a little while ago, you'll feel great again. You are in one of the many dips that make up early sobriety. You'll pull out, as long as you don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Hi soberFitness, if you are using AVRT then I would say that you aren't dissociating from your AV. The I/IT separation is key so when the thoughts come it's not you who suffers, it is your Beast, talking to you through your AV. It's a thought filter technique where you recognize and separate from that voice and those feelings. Once you get the hang of it it should get much easier for you. In my early days I would also tell myself, NO I never drink, and then distract myself in some way. Whatever you do, don't drink! Rootin' for ya.
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