BRM05

I have been educating myself about alcoholism and bipolar disorder since she got the diagnosis the first week in treatment. I have also been going to Al Anon meetings every week. Our marriage has not been a bad one. We only ever fought when she would get drunk, at which point she would tell me how I "beat and abused our children, was a cheater and a liar, a deadbeat dad" etc. The next day I would always ask her why she would say things like that to me and she would always apologize and tell me that she didn't really think that. We loved each other a lot. I still do. She has NEVER cheated before this affair and before you think I am naïve, I have made very sure that I am correct. Here's is part that's hard for me to understand. 4 days before I made her leave she stopped me in the kitchen while I was on my way out the door to work and she said "I know I haven't been the best mother or wife but I want you to know that I'm trying hard and this is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. Please don't give up on me." I responded "I'll never quit on you as long as you never quit on yourself. I'll always be here to help you and I'm not giving up on you." She cried, I cried, we told each other I love you, kissed and then I went to work. She later told me that she didn't mean a word she said that day and that it was a lie. She said she was trying to rationalize her feelings and make herself believe that it was the truth. I just don't buy it. I believe that she is just trying to take the easy route because she knows that this marriage will require hard work. Its always easier to scorch earth and move on.