Glenjo,
Picture this totally made up analogy:
There's a gym near my work I used to go to for 2 years. There's things I like about it. There are things about it that really suck. I stop going there, cold turkey.
After a while, I start exercising more outside. I try yoga and like it. Didn't expect to have that happen! I start running and love it. I start going to gyms once in a while to weight lift. Just easy stuff. Light weights. I find a few gyms I like. I'm starting to have a greater confidence in myself and the places I go. I have a better relationship with myself mentally and physically. After a year or two of this, one day on a random impulse I go back to that gym I used to work near. I have a completely different viewpoint of it. Maybe I appreciate something about it more and they've really improved the place. Maybe it's as bad or worse than I remember and I walk out the door.
So goes the same with relationships, with getting stronger emotionally and mentally. As my inner core strengthens and I get in tune to my healthy inner voice, everything starts to change. Going No Contact with toxic relationships is a big part of allowing this to happen, in my experience.
Reaching out to specialists to coach and mentor us is the same as finding coaches or mentors in other parts of our lives. Starting out, I never had these. I had unhealthy role models who I learned many false beliefs from.
As I change, inside and out, everything in my life is naturally changing in good ways.
Leelee,
One day at a time. Acknowledging wounds is a part of moving forward. Yesterday I "wanted to do" and instead got pulled internally into a day of complete and utter stillness and rest. Today was different. I woke up with a realization of a lot of big things I've dealt with this past week and how easily that went. No huge dramas. A lot of waves that didn't capsize me. I went for a jog/walk/run with puppy. Life is good. New directions. Yes, it is hard at first. Yes, it can become routine and easy to enjoy life.