5 easy ways to let go of toxic relationships

Old 09-01-2018, 01:20 PM
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5 easy ways to let go of toxic relationships

1. Listen to instinct/gut.

2. Create/find/seak out safe, healing places.

3. Acknowledge that as one person changes, everything changes. Sometimes getting out of the fallout zone for a while can be a really good thing. Coming back to these relationships in the future, if drawn to this, will reveal more.

4. Create a healthy relationship with self.

5. Find neutral, healthy people and places for support during the transition. Light & bright conversations with healthy people who God/Universe puts on my path counts in big ways.

"When you let go of toxic relationship you make room for healthy relationships."
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Old 09-04-2018, 08:04 AM
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Life, reinvented.

Allowing happiness. Allowing joy.


Meditation: I allow goodness and abundance in my life.

#lawofattraction #lifeisgood
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Old 09-04-2018, 07:09 PM
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The biggest hindrances to leaving a toxic relationship are denial and rationalization. Part of that is not realizing what we call love is really need. Because, like many people, we fear change and the unknown the "devil we know........" is preferable the unknowable. Extracting yourself from a toxic person is facing your own demons. It is hard for all of us.
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Old 09-04-2018, 08:13 PM
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What was hard for me is now easy. Putting this out there as a guide-light for myself.

I've referred back to this list several times today to focus on a solution that works for me. Each time it's brought my thoughts quickly and easily back to enjoying this day and the moment I'm in.

Often I'll do something like this on Jotterpad. No idea why I posted this one here. It simply felt right.
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Old 09-04-2018, 08:30 PM
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NYCDoglvr, good to see you here. I bought some new tennis balls for pup today and we've been outside this evening playing together.
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Old 09-23-2018, 03:26 PM
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Create/find/seak out safe, healing places.

Working on this one again today. Allowing new ideas, possibilities and I'm staying focused on places that will nourish kid & I. Kids museums and learning centers have been great. Open to more.
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Old 09-24-2018, 12:16 AM
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3. Acknowledge that as one person changes, everything changes. Sometimes getting out of the fallout zone for a while can be a really good thing. Coming back to these relationships in the future, if drawn to this, will reveal more.

If only it was easy, (but I realise you put this out there for yourself. I'm still early on so hope to get to this place sometime. I'm out of the fallout zone now. I interested to hear what you mean by the relationships revealing more if drawn back?
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Old 09-24-2018, 03:17 AM
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Thanks, Mango. To say I needed this post, at this time, is an understatement. Had one of the most difficult weekends since he was removed from the house. Of course, his drama played a part in it. Amazing how my brain still understands his drama and can link it to the past trauma and abuse...and how I still respond :'(
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Old 09-24-2018, 11:20 AM
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Glenjo,

Picture this totally made up analogy:

There's a gym near my work I used to go to for 2 years. There's things I like about it. There are things about it that really suck. I stop going there, cold turkey.

After a while, I start exercising more outside. I try yoga and like it. Didn't expect to have that happen! I start running and love it. I start going to gyms once in a while to weight lift. Just easy stuff. Light weights. I find a few gyms I like. I'm starting to have a greater confidence in myself and the places I go. I have a better relationship with myself mentally and physically. After a year or two of this, one day on a random impulse I go back to that gym I used to work near. I have a completely different viewpoint of it. Maybe I appreciate something about it more and they've really improved the place. Maybe it's as bad or worse than I remember and I walk out the door.


So goes the same with relationships, with getting stronger emotionally and mentally. As my inner core strengthens and I get in tune to my healthy inner voice, everything starts to change. Going No Contact with toxic relationships is a big part of allowing this to happen, in my experience.

Reaching out to specialists to coach and mentor us is the same as finding coaches or mentors in other parts of our lives. Starting out, I never had these. I had unhealthy role models who I learned many false beliefs from.

As I change, inside and out, everything in my life is naturally changing in good ways.

Leelee,

One day at a time. Acknowledging wounds is a part of moving forward. Yesterday I "wanted to do" and instead got pulled internally into a day of complete and utter stillness and rest. Today was different. I woke up with a realization of a lot of big things I've dealt with this past week and how easily that went. No huge dramas. A lot of waves that didn't capsize me. I went for a jog/walk/run with puppy. Life is good. New directions. Yes, it is hard at first. Yes, it can become routine and easy to enjoy life.
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Old 09-24-2018, 02:20 PM
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Another aspect of staying in no contact and actively working my recovery with outside help:

What used to seem normal and loving I now often identify as scary behaviors.

I don't have to point out specific incidents or actions to be able to feel the intent behind things. I can trust my healthy instincts in very solid ways.
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Old 09-24-2018, 04:52 PM
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Man eating tigers
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Old 09-24-2018, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Mango212 View Post
Another aspect of staying in no contact and actively working my recovery with outside help:

What used to seem normal and loving I now often identify as scary behaviors.

I don't have to point out specific incidents or actions to be able to feel the intent behind things. I can trust my healthy instincts in very solid ways.
I love this post, Mango.
I used to not trust my instincts because they were never validated as a child.

One of the most important things I learned to do in recovery to the point of it now being second nature, is trusting my very healthy instincts, especially when it comes to dealing with toxic people. My instincts are very clear and strong, now that I tap into them instead of listening to the noise in my mind.

Once I knew better, I saw that "normal" was not normal, it was "comfortable" because it was all I knew at the time. Now I know it was not normal.
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Old 09-24-2018, 08:44 PM
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Remember this song?

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...6&&FORM=VRDGAR
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Old 09-24-2018, 08:55 PM
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My favorite end of the day song lately is "Favorite Song". Creating a healthy relationship with Higher Power/God/Great Spirit and with myself. It's not just what I'm turning away from, it's even more: what I'm filling my life with.

https://youtu.be/8twLV95yNPU

You sing to me and my heart comes to life
Beating for you every time (it’s beating beating)
And how ‘bout I hear you oh I love the way
Your chorus gets stuck in my mind

Like the lyrics to my favourite song
You stick with me all day long
And when I’ve reached the end
I wanna hear it again


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Old 09-25-2018, 04:58 AM
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3. Acknowledge that as one person changes, everything changes. Sometimes getting out of the fallout zone for a while can be a really good thing. Coming back to these relationships in the future, if drawn to this, will reveal more.

This...this is what I needed to see today. Thank you.
It's been a month and a half since I have seen, spoken, been in touch with my son. I won't label him, not my place, but when he drinks, he drinks too much, and when he drinks too much, he is mean and nasty and resentful and illogical...the last time it was directed at me. So I backed off, but honestly, I sent him a note...something light and inspirational, and I included him in a group text with his sister that he ignored.
Not quite sure how to reestablish contact with him, or if I should. It makes me feel sad not to have any contact with him, and I guess the way back to some sort of relationship is unclear to me. But I think I will just sit with this for a bit, rather than force anything. I do believe the Universe will provide. This is hard.

Thank you for all the wisdom and experience and support I get here. Thank you all.
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Old 09-25-2018, 05:24 AM
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seekingcalm…...I think there are some differences in the no contact thing with children than with ex lovers/partners. etc....
The parent-child connection does not ever end, in that same way....I think that it is better to think of loving from a distance....maybe, even, a great distance....than just ending connections forever.....
Having been through this, myself....I think that it is o.k. to continue to love where you can....continue to love the person...yes--send cards and messages that one would, ordinarily....send the usual gifts for birthdays, Christmas, etc...
Talk when they are fully sober and can treat you with respect.....
However....don't enable, don't tolerate disrespect of any kind....including verbal assaults or nasty attitudes....
Iron clad boundaries will need to be developed....and, it may go on for a very long time....if and until they ever decide to reach for their own recovery...…
I think that parents of adult alcoholics need to have lots of support and be determined not to let the child....as heartbreaking as it can be, at times...to suck the joy and meaning from their own lives.....
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Old 09-25-2018, 06:28 AM
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It depends on "toxic relationship" or not, plus prayer, meditation and inner instincts.

Right from the start, none of this is a forever thing. Even as a parent of grown children, some months without any contact, even through birthdays or holidays, is okay.

Now I buy gifts through instinct rather than obligations. There is no "you haven't even bought your own parents birthday gifts!" arguments as I haven't bought any birthday gifts for anyone (other than DS11) or even sent a text message on a birthday in quite some time. Freedom from traditions that weren't bringing us any closer.

I celebrate life each day, right where I am. I also buy inspired gifts when I come across them and bring or send them through instinct, too. No favoritism gets involved. No rhyme or reason, other than pure instinct.
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Old 09-25-2018, 06:37 AM
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Thank you. This is new territory for me. I have always been the one to reach out to my son, and often got no reply. I always made excuses for him...he's busy, he works so hard, I am just glad he has his own full life...all the rest. The truth is, he is an adult, and he is responsible for half of this relationship. I won't make excuses anymore, and I won't kid myself. I suppose when it makes sense, I will reach out, and until then, I don't expect to hear from him at all. I see what he doesn't want to admit, and that makes me someone he'd rather not interact with I think.
So very different when it is your child...I so agree.
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Old 09-25-2018, 06:48 AM
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Some related posts:

Healthy connections - bridging the gap (Healthy connections: bridging the gap)

Family bully

Healing: giving and receiving gifts

Christmas (Planning Christmas, in July.)

Recovery and Renewal (Recovery and renewal)

As with everything, take what you like and leave the rest.

Many paths to healing.
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Old 12-24-2019, 01:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Mango212 View Post
Create/find/seak out safe, healing places.

Working on this one again today. Allowing new ideas, possibilities and I'm staying focused on places that will nourish kid & I. Kids museums and learning centers have been great. Open to more.
Doing this again today.

Bright beautiful sticker on a vehicle I saw recently: Be Audacious

Audacious - showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks. Bold, adventurous.

[
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