Originally Posted by
alienbaby5 
He kept asking me why he always ruins good things and ***** them up. I know it has a lot to do with losing his mother as a child and his best friend as a teenager.
I am willing to bet there are many people who've been through this and worse who have NOT chosen to handle it w/alcohol and/or drugs, who have NOT gone through their life hurting and lying to and manipulating others. In fact, I am certain of that. Sometimes people who've been through the worst times are also those who are the most compassionate and wise. It all depends on how the individual responds. Trauma and stress can make a diamond or a lump of coal.
Have you heard the saying about how "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it"? It's true, as far as I can see. He has choices. We ALL have choices.
Wishing I could just have closure, but I guess sometimes we don't always get to have that.
Contrary to what a lot of people think, closure, like forgiveness, is something we give OURSELVES. It does NOT come from an outside source, and we are dependent on no one else to receive it. Like Dorothy and her ruby slippers, we have had the power all along...
It's hard. I know it's hard. But looking to the one who hurt you to also be the one who heals you/forgives you/offers you closure is not the path to peace and happiness. Others don't hold this power over you--it is all yours, and always was.