Thank you to everyone for all your responses.
Unfortunately I failed miserably this weekend -- attempted to contact my ex a couple of times -- of course, no response from him.
Wishing I could just have closure, but I guess sometimes we don't always get to have that.
Hoping to have a better week ahead of me; hoping to start healing one day or another. I have never reached out to forums before in regards to everything I have been dealing with these last 3 years, so this is my first time. I guess I always felt things would work out in the past... but this time feels different and stings a little more. He has never been gone this long and another woman has never been an issue in the past (although we aren't together and it isn't technically cheating, it still hurts that he couldn't wait for me, even though I have been waiting for him -- you'd think if you already had the "best", you wouldn't go looking for anything else).
Originally Posted by
Nata1980 
Dear alienbaby
Sorry you are hurting
He told you who he is.
He is just out there chasing the next high, the easier the better. Addicts are not very picky.....
As for feeling like three years were the best - I can relate, I miss XAH good sides - he could be extremely attentive, make me breakfast in bed. And punch holes in the walls the same night and drag me around by the hair.
Intermittent reinforcement is the worst - “making up” feels so nice, and all the drama is quite engaging.
You can choose to exit out of it now.
Good luck!
Thank you @nata1980 for your words. I keep on thinking about all the good times we had, and I know a lot of people say that the good times never outweigh the bad, but in our relationship it did. Other than the relapses, we almost never fought, we just enjoyed each other. He has never ever been physically abusive to me, but the emotional abuse probably hurts just as bad, if not worse.
It helped to hear you say that "addicts aren't picky....". I'm not sure if you meant it in the way I am perceiving it, but I have been looking for justification as to why he would go about having physical relations with another girl, when he claims I was everything he ever wanted. Another girl was always the farthest thing from my mind... now it is all I keep thinking about. I just keep wondering why he could move on so quickly from me.