Uncomfortable raw emotions
I was talking to my teen-aged daughter and son last night about all kinds of things and the subject of my drinking came up. My daughter brought up horrible things I did when I was drunk. She asked me "do you remember"? I didn't remember most of the things that I said or did to myself or to them. She even showed me a video of me when I was drunk and yelling at her and being a total monster to her that I didn't even remember doing. I mean what kind of mother does that to her kids that she's supposed to protect and love? I cried and cried and felt pain for them that I never felt before. I am coming up on two weeks tomorrow. I told them how much I love them and how sorry I am. It might take a lifetime for me to make amends (show) them how sorry and how much I love them. I am typing this in my car before I enter the grocery store and I can't stop crying.