Part of what you learn about being the al-Anon in the relationship is that you are a mirrror image of the alcoholic. Rather than alcohol being your obsession, the alcoholic themselves is your obsession. Maybe make a pie chart for the day and honestly divide it up by what you are thinking about or focuses on - likelihood is it’s her. We often lie to ourselves, others, cover-up for their behaviors, etc.
If you do really care about her you can’t continue to give her a soft landing/pillow after each episode. The only thing that worked in my situation was to start enforcing consequences. I am a recovering alcoholic (2 years sober) and married to my best drinking buddy, another alcoholic and love my wife very much. We have two young boys - 4 and 7. It wasn’t until I confronted her about the alcohol hidden around the house and asked her to leave the home until she got help that anything changed. I couldn’t risk having my boys in the situation anymore. She had been half way in AA for the prevoia year but never stayed sober more than 75-90 days before she declared she was a normal drinker and not an alcoholic. She hit her bottom after I kicked her out and jumped in to AA with both feet and let the women around her show her the how to get better.
The only thing an alcoholic will respond to in my opinion is consequences - it’s up them how many they can handle before changing. In my case I didn’t know what happened when I asked her to leave but I took the action and turned her over to the universe at that point.
Who am I to deny someone their bottom by constantly enabling them with comfort and loving them to death.