Dear alienbaby
Sorry you are hurting
He told you who he is.
He is just out there chasing the next high, the easier the better. Addicts are not very picky.....
As for feeling like three years were the best - I can relate, I miss XAH good sides - he could be extremely attentive, make me breakfast in bed. And punch holes in the walls the same night and drag me around by the hair.
Intermittent reinforcement is the worst - “making up” feels so nice, and all the drama is quite engaging.
You can choose to exit out of it now.
Good luck!