Originally Posted by
pdm22 
Glenjo99, are you familiar with MBTI or Enneagram personality theory at all? Discovering my “types” helped me a lot, especially the Enneagram, that gets into core fears. I’m a type 9 (9w8 to be more specific), I have a very hard time with separation from loved ones/ loss. There’s some good info in both of those theories, I think. I do the obsessing/ ruminating too, but I find I’m like that in general and it’s just the way I am, I even do it with everyday things (very particular about products; foods that I like, etc) so I just try to go with it until it passes.
There’s that whole period after break ups where all of it just feels so crappy, too. The no contact (even though that’s the logical thing to do/ the way out); contact may be a relief momentarily, but then the roller coaster ride starts again... all of it just feels crappy for a while.
Anyways, I personally relate to what you and others are going through too. You’re not alone
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Hi pdm22, no I'm not familiar with those at all but I will look into them.
I do have a hard time letting go of things in general, or when things are over, I get very morbid and down. For example when birthdays, holidays, even a good film are over I get excessively sad so you might be on to something.
Yeh detachment has been the hardest part for me particularly because of the abrupt way it happened. I'm learning I can't control anyone only myself and I'm responsible for my own self care, loving myself and building my confidence. Doesn't stop me ruminating some times on him and the situation though, but I expect that's normal, I'm only 2 months into codependency recovery.