Originally Posted by
trailmix 
I think you are looking at the way you deal in the world because you went through this and stopped and thought, hang onnnnnnn that's not right and this has made me see this.
Right now it's all tied in together, early days yet.
Why do you have to do all this (at times painful) self-examination for someone you aren't even talking to! Who hasn't contacted you in 2 months!
I think you will see that eventually, if you decide to continue on this path of self-care that it's not about him at all. I can also see how right now it's probably a bit annoying to you.
Small steps, think about how far you have come (and you have even if you don't quite see it yet).
Yes it is early days. I think sometimes anxiety takes over, even on the days where I meditate and read, and on those days I question and ruminate about everything. One day at a time I guess working on recovery.