Izzy , I want to give you hope today. I can relate so well to how you are feeling. I am 56 yrs old - and only 19 days ago decided I do not want to feel the way I do , live the way I do ( it wasn't living anyway, it was existing)
It will sound crazy to you now, today - but I can promise you - your life can be changed around and you will find yourself marvelling at it in disbelief.
I felt I had no reason to longer even be alive - I was depriving worthy people on earth from oxygen and resources - I was wishing for eternal sleep - I couldn/t imagine that there was even a glimmer of hope on the horizon.
I felt I was in a vortex ( like when you let the bath run out ) and the day I joined here, was the day that I was going to disappear down the drain. If I hadn't clawed my way out of that vortex ( with ONLY the people here on SR to help me ) I would not be writing this to you today.
The biggest step to take is to NOT - DRINK - TODAY. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour .... keep reading and keep posting. And then so the same tomorrow, and the day after and after. .. I promise you things are going to get better. Try not to think too much - you just DO it.
You are a worthy human being. You are important. You have so much to give . You are so much more than the opinion you have of yourself now.
You are in my thoughts today. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing?