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For anyone who cares. some of you know i lost my job a while back etc.. I'm still jobless basicly. But i started a business and its making me a little money but not enough.

I honestly think loosing that job was a good thing. It was the last shred of the old me that i can think of that really I think just needed to go casue it no longer fit this sober me. Heck in the end it didnt fit the drinking me either.

This job loss thing is crazy but I think my life is just balancing out. for example you drop a ball from high up that first bounce is pretty hard but then it settles down. I think thats whats going on with my life now. I dont know if i'll ever be at that income level again. I frankly dont care either. For me its not really abou tthe income its if the work i gotta do to earn a living I find manageable does it make me happy or is it driving me insane and making me want to drink?. I'm also finding now that some weeks I do too much and get very stressed out so I'm kinda relearning some boundaries here.

I hope for my sake the income aspect gets better or maybe my overhead costs get lower. Either way I think they will balance and settle themselves out.

I've been on a lot of interviews but nothing pans out. I'm about 95% sure i'm no longer going to return to my old field and i'm really happy about that. 5% why i'm unsure is that piece of me thats just desperately holding on to what once was but no longer is and just need to get over itself is all.

Drinking wise my latest issue is when i see booze sold in stores its like as tempting as ones favorite food for some stupid reason. I'm like oh come on what gives! but i know the drill and know i cant drink i REALLY cant. it does annoy me that its suddenly a little more tempting.

At the end of the month i'm going to be working at a festival full of hippies and loaded with drugs. I'm questioning what i signed up for. I keep thiking am i too old for this BS? lol but I'm not worried about drinking there or nothign. I actually think it will be considerably fun and entertaining atheres gonna be godo music and so on. I think it will proabbly be a blast and considerably more fun then if i went to it intoxicated.

Anyhow thats all i got for now. I'm oddly in good spirits even tho i'm having to beg family for money and so on at this point. I'm not letting it get to me tho. I'm just waking up each day doing what i can loving my kids and moving forward tackling the problems i can handle and leaving the rest up to my higher power.

I was out of work once itme years ago and i found that i rather enjoyed the part of it that FORCED me to quit trying to control what i couldnt control and FORCED me to just rely on my higher power. Its really rather liberating to just let go and let it all be its just so much easier then trying to be the angry dictator of your life.