Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
Triggers are everywhere in situations like this - and while she's laughing & elbowing me, thinking she's sharing a bonding memory, I'm rabidly trying to find a way to sidestep it or correcting it without making her feel badly about the "real" memory. I come off like the bad guy because, god, I can't even LAUGH about stuff anymore??
Oh boy, do I get that!
My mother has recently taken to telling me family secrets. Of course they are all from my Dad's side of the family and the people involved are all dead... these stories do not enhance my life and they do not explain any family issues.. they are just salacious drivvel. No reason what-so-ever do I need to know these things, but she relays them to me in a high and mighty manner as though she wants me to think less of my Dad's family now that I am "old" enough to know the truth. It's not my dead relatives I am disappointed in MUM... uggggg
She also blames all the issues my Dad had on his family... when I used to try and talk to her, by somewhat agreeing, but pointing out how his parents were also very damaged by their FOOs, she nods like she understands and then goes right back to crap talking my Dad's family... talking about how they should have taken responsibility, changed and been better blah blah blah.. when I would ask why she didn't feel the same way about my Dad... she would just sputter for a bit and then goes back to the bad-mouthing my Grandma. It's a circular discussion I will no longer engage in. Doesn't stop her from trying though....
Having limited contact with my mum has helped alleviate some of the negativity she brings in to my life. I just wish I didn't feel I need to buffer myself from her. It sucks to feel this way about an elderly lady who loves me as only my mommy can.
*sigh*