This is such a crazy (the world of addiction) to comprehend and I'm so impressed with those that can bring words and counsel to our painful experiences.
to wonder why he did this or that, would hopeful bring an understanding so we can live with it, even if we don't agree with the answer. My question was similar "how could he do that to me", as someone that was suppose to love me.
We (or certainly I) personalized the behavior. Making it very hard to understand. We want to reach out to them for understanding, healing or validation, but they can't be there for us.
Dandylion told me early on:
"He is blaming you.
It is like hitting someone with a big stick....and then blaming the victim, for it....To me, that is like assaulting the victim twice...once with the stick, and, again when they blame the victim for it....
Of course that is "crazymaking" for the victim of the assaults....
The sticky wicket here, I think, is that, when such an assault comes from someone that we have loved...it is very confusing...because we are looking to the one who hurt us to be the one who heals us.....
The human mind can't really wrap their mind around that".
We stand between them and the oxygen they need to breathe and they'll do anything to keep that in place.
There is nothing that you did to warrant any of this behavior toward you. There is nothing you could have done to justify any of that behavior. There is no answer to why that makes it ok.
All my best to you. Wishing peace for you
tic