LeeLee…..if you would really like to know what goes on inside of an alcoholic's brain....as much as the researchers currently understand...you might appreciate reading about it in the following book--"The Addicted Brain"....by Michael Kuhar….It discusses the latest research findings.....and it does correlate the physiology of the brain to some of the actual behaviors....
this might help you to depersonalize what has happened, to some extent....that his goal probably was not to deliberately hurt you, at the time (although it did!)….and, it might answer some of your Whys.....
Here is the sticky wicket, though---even with the answer to the why's...you may not feel entirely better....because you still have to process the hurt and confusion and pain...to complete the grieving process and heal enough for you to go forward and commit this part of your life to "history" status.....
right now, I think you are still up to your knees in the aftermath and grieving...and processing....
so many times, on this forum, when a relationship breaks up...people will, in their agony, ask "Why, Why?"....and I have given long, detailed explanations why this happens...and, the end result is that the person still says...."but, it still hurts!".....lol...
Bottom line, I think, is that people just want to pain to go away.....that is why most people come here, in the first place...they just want the pain to go away....
having said all of this...I do recommend that you read the book....because it is fascinating...what happens in the brain as a result of the neurotransmitters....