Originally Posted by FindingAmy

Wowwweee. I get all of this, i do. I was married to an alcoholic for 26 years who walked out on me! But how about we talk about what makes us grateful?

I am so grateful that your alcoholism pushed me into Alanon, which pushed me into meeting incredible coaches and therapists that have guided me into doing the healing I needed to do to find my self worth that was in the ******* and to love myself again.

I am so grateful that you left and when I come around the corner I don't see your truck in the driveway and know that I will be walking into a house where only peace resides

I am so grateful that I can now see a trashcan and not feel the need to dig through it anymore looking for evidence you were drinking. Now, finally, a trashcan is just a trashcan

I am so grateful that when I open my beautiful cabinet doors I know exactly what is in there and am not afraid of finding the scotch bottle hidden in the back.

I am so grateful that I can drink with friends and know that if I put the remaining bottle of wine on the counter, that in the morning it will still be there.

I am grateful for the sound of peace and serenity in my home and that the yelling and suffering is all but a distant memory.

I am so grateful that when the people in my life say they will do something, or show up, for the most part they actually do. And when they don't or can't, they call and let me know. And it's the truth.

I am grateful that all the people in my life now I stand on equal footing with them. I am not their mother, their caretaker, the one who picks up the stuff they drop. Everyone is responsible for their own life.

I am grateful that when i look at my bank account it is the same as the last time I looked. No mysterious chunks of money disappearing. I am in control of my finances.

I am grateful that when I go in my closet it is to get dressed and be amongst my pretty things I've bought. It's not a place to hide and cry anymore.

I am grateful that I have learned I am not crazy, insane, my mother, or all of the other things he used to call me. Gaslighting does not exist in my world.

I am grateful that I don't have to decipher between lies and truth and manipulation. I am surrounded by people who are honest and full of love and kindness.

I am grateful that my auto insurance is down because it is only me and I don't have tickets or accidents or other nonsense that his record was filled with.

I am grateful for giving and receiving love to those in my life and loving myself enough to know when to say no and walk away when things don't feel right.

I am grateful for having learned about compassion and empathy and forgiveness which has allowed me to let him go and has allowed me to move on without the bags of shame, regret, resentment or anger weighing me down.

I am grateful for a second chance at life and starting over at 52 years old with such incredible joy and happiness, that without having done any of the hard work in healing due to his alcoholism I would've known.

I'd rather focus on what fills me and leads me down a road I choose to travel rather than one that drags me down. It's a choice. It took me a very, very, very long time to understand that. I relished in the victim role. Poor me. But I know that wasn't doing anything to help me grow and put a life back together for myself. Yes, alot of very horrible things happened to me during my marriage and I sure could stay in that place and relive it all. But to what end? I choose to see his disease as his battle to bear. I send him love merely because he is human, and I turn and walk with my head held high. Loving the woman that I am and looking forward to the days that lie ahead full of adventures.