What I don’t miss

Old 08-25-2018, 01:42 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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What I don’t miss

So my ex Ah came back into my life after 3 years.
For a short while I was sucked in again by the Mr charmer, Mr funny, Mr caring.
But as everyone knows on here that’s very short lived.
I’m not gonna to say it was easy to break away from him.
I’m still in the process of running in the other direction, but this time with full knowledge of the person he is and the future I would have with him if I stayed.

So for my own therapy I want to post everything I don’t miss, please feel free to post what you don’t miss about your situation.
I don’t miss...
Cleaning all the bottles up in the morning
The lame excuses to go to the shop to get alcohol.
The drunken rants and the utter crap that use to come out of his mouth.
The clothes covered in red wine
The smashed glasses where he always dropped them.
The blowing hot and cold ,making me feel like I’d done something wrong.
The laying in bed on a Sunday all day after serious heavy drinking all weekend and i’d be expected to pick him up because he was so down.
Feeling like his mother
Being his constant support blanket
The snoring from him passing out
Baby sitting him on nights outs !!
Every day out or night out being planned round alcohol.
The tears I cried
The arguments you caused
The tiptoeing around you
The manipulation
The holidays were you were the loudest there and the drunkest
The embarrassment
I won’t miss any of the above you’ve made me realise I deserve so much more.

If I could say these things to him I would but he would never listen... so this is what I would say if I thought you he would.

I hate how you made me feel alone.
I hate how you never put me first, you never asked me how I was, never took time to listen to me and how my day was.
You would never take me out on a date and drive it was always me or a cab !
You never made me breakfast in bed or cared for me when I had a bad day or felt unwell.
You never made me a cup of tea !!
We’re was you when I needed you !!!! And so many times I truly needed you !!
Looking back our whole relationship it was about your needs and what you wanted.
I didn’t stand a chance and now I wish you luck because I know I deserve better they say people come into your life as a blessing or a lesson, and I believe your a lesson of not what I want of need in my life good bye
I loved the person I thought you was not the person you are.
I will find someone who will make me a priority in there life and not make me feel second best.
I will find someone that will love me unconditional and I will love them back.
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Old 08-25-2018, 05:45 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
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This is a nice idea for a thread Angel!

I keep thinking of the good times and still try to excuse all his hurtful and bad behaviours.


I don't miss...

- how you gave me the silent treatment every few weeks, not knowing what's going on, whether we're still together, leaving me worry about you while you were having a great time
- how you broke up with me countless times to take it back again
- how you kicked me out every time I had a complaint or grievance, even if that was in the middle of the night, threatening to call the police if I don't leave. What would you have told them anyway? That you're abusive?!
- how you always had to have everything you cared about your way and behaved passive aggressively or like the victim when I wanted something else
- how you were never interested in finding a compromise in situation
- how you never apologised to me for all the horrible things you did to me
- how you instead tried to make me feel sorry for you whenever you hurt or disappointed me by saying you already feel like a failure
- how it was always about your feelings, never about mine
- how you kept telling me that my feelings are unreasonable and I have to learn to control my emotions better when you hurt or scared me
- how you shouted and yelled at me and called me names whenever you were angry
- how easily you lose your temper and overreact to things like having to take the bins out when you're not in the mood for it (who's ever in the mood for that?!) or threw out all our food because something small went wrong with the cooking, you behaved like a toddler
- how moody you are and how you don't make any efforts to get yourself out of a bad mood but put it out on me instead
- how easily offended you felt and how you never took ANY form of criticism, how you turned every complaint back against me
- how you kept telling me I wasn't good enough between the lines while I already was better at everything than you are
- how you hate yourself, your work and your life most of the time, but don't change anything
- how you kept promising to go to therapy but that never happened
- how you twisted everything around and blamed me for all our problems when you are clearly having a ton of own and much worse problems
- how you view relationships, you never wanted one that is built on equality and trust but one that is built on you controlling me
- how you don't have any real friends
- how you never wanted to meet my friends and didn't like it when I socialised much
- how jealous and mistrusting you are
- how bad you are with money
- how you never kept your word
- how controlling and inflexible you are in life
- how you and your needs always come first
- how you care much more about how others see you than how much you care about their feelings
- how you belittled all my problems and my studying while playing up how much you do at work ( I don't think you could be that busy if you had time to play playstation with your colleagues and take a 2h lunch break on top)
- how disgusting your flat is, you never cleaned it, how sticky the kitchen floors were and the mouldy shower, the stinking toilet
- how you pushed me towards driving again when you didn't even want to get a license
- how you still keep hoping for a career as a professional artist but never even learned the technical stuff behind it because you can't be bothered
- how dependent you are on your instagram likes and how it was so much about that all the time
- how dishonest you are
- how you manipulated and controlled me and then accused me of doing those things to you
- how you made yourself look so differently in the beginning, like you were a caring and reliable person
- how you had no interest in my interests so we would never go to the opera or ballet for example
- how you made all the decisions on your own, where and when we'd go on holiday, how much it will cost, when we speak to each other, when we see each other
- all your double standards, for you it's okay to sit and draw or watch the telly all night after work but you expected me to cook
- how you wanted me to report to you any time I am in contact with a male person while you didn't tell me anything
- how you would decide on your own to go on a holiday on your own we had planned on going together and when I said I wished we'd make decisions like that as a couple you have the worst anger outburst, saying the most hurtful things to me and go on a one month no contact
- how you never apologised for those things, feeling justified to do them
- how you kept telling me I was a liar and shouting at me, standing in front of me while I sit on the floor crying but you keep going cause you felt like you had to "break" me so I know I can't mess with you
- how you kept thinking I would run you over if you let me have things my way and tried to keep me down
- how you shout at your mum and insult her, how you view women
- how you lied about your ex, making her look like a mentally ill person who controlled and abused you when in reality it was the other way around
- how negative you are, always criticising everything and every one around you
- how ungrateful you are
- how you were nice and caring and a good listener only when you were in the mood for it but cold and rejecting when you didn't feel like it
- how you never accepted that you are an adult and that it's not just you who has to deal with paper work or household stuff even when they don't fee like it
- how you never took any responsibility for your actions but blamed others for it
- how you kept telling me how much you worry that I will leave you because you have nothing to offer but then you were the one leaving me while I kept believing in you
- how you dumped me while I was in hospital with a broken leg and I was even pregnant with your child!!!! (admittedly we both didn't know about the pregnancy then)
- how you left me to deal with the miscarriage alone and blocked me right after I told you about it! You really have NO manners at all

oops, that was a long list....
kevlarsjal2 is offline  
Old 08-25-2018, 06:13 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
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Wow even you’ve list d things that I can relate too!!! It made me feel so much better letting it all out I don’t miss it I’m angry at my self for putting up with and OMG the toilet yes !!! The disappearing for a few days !!! Then they decide they will see you but you can guarantee it’s because there feeling down !!! I don’t think I will ever date anyone that drinks again ! XxQUOTE=kevlarsjal2;6994239]This is a nice idea for a thread Angel!

I keep thinking of the good times and still try to excuse all his hurtful and bad behaviours.


I don't miss...

- how you gave me the silent treatment every few weeks, not knowing what's going on, whether we're still together, leaving me worry about you while you were having a great time
- how you broke up with me countless times to take it back again
- how you kicked me out every time I had a complaint or grievance, even if that was in the middle of the night, threatening to call the police if I don't leave. What would you have told them anyway? That you're abusive?!
- how you always had to have everything you cared about your way and behaved passive aggressively or like the victim when I wanted something else
- how you were never interested in finding a compromise in situation
- how you never apologised to me for all the horrible things you did to me
- how you instead tried to make me feel sorry for you whenever you hurt or disappointed me by saying you already feel like a failure
- how it was always about your feelings, never about mine
- how you kept telling me that my feelings are unreasonable and I have to learn to control my emotions better when you hurt or scared me
- how you shouted and yelled at me and called me names whenever you were angry
- how easily you lose your temper and overreact to things like having to take the bins out when you're not in the mood for it (who's ever in the mood for that?!) or threw out all our food because something small went wrong with the cooking, you behaved like a toddler
- how moody you are and how you don't make any efforts to get yourself out of a bad mood but put it out on me instead
- how easily offended you felt and how you never took ANY form of criticism, how you turned every complaint back against me
- how you kept telling me I wasn't good enough between the lines while I already was better at everything than you are
- how you hate yourself, your work and your life most of the time, but don't change anything
- how you kept promising to go to therapy but that never happened
- how you twisted everything around and blamed me for all our problems when you are clearly having a ton of own and much worse problems
- how you view relationships, you never wanted one that is built on equality and trust but one that is built on you controlling me
- how you don't have any real friends
- how you never wanted to meet my friends and didn't like it when I socialised much
- how jealous and mistrusting you are
- how bad you are with money
- how you never kept your word
- how controlling and inflexible you are in life
- how you and your needs always come first
- how you care much more about how others see you than how much you care about their feelings
- how you belittled all my problems and my studying while playing up how much you do at work ( I don't think you could be that busy if you had time to play playstation with your colleagues and take a 2h lunch break on top)
- how disgusting your flat is, you never cleaned it, how sticky the kitchen floors were and the mouldy shower, the stinking toilet
- how you pushed me towards driving again when you didn't even want to get a license
- how you still keep hoping for a career as a professional artist but never even learned the technical stuff behind it because you can't be bothered
- how dependent you are on your instagram likes and how it was so much about that all the time
- how dishonest you are
- how you manipulated and controlled me and then accused me of doing those things to you
- how you made yourself look so differently in the beginning, like you were a caring and reliable person
- how you had no interest in my interests so we would never go to the opera or ballet for example
- how you made all the decisions on your own, where and when we'd go on holiday, how much it will cost, when we speak to each other, when we see each other
- all your double standards, for you it's okay to sit and draw or watch the telly all night after work but you expected me to cook
- how you wanted me to report to you any time I am in contact with a male person while you didn't tell me anything
- how you would decide on your own to go on a holiday on your own we had planned on going together and when I said I wished we'd make decisions like that as a couple you have the worst anger outburst, saying the most hurtful things to me and go on a one month no contact
- how you never apologised for those things, feeling justified to do them
- how you kept telling me I was a liar and shouting at me, standing in front of me while I sit on the floor crying but you keep going cause you felt like you had to "break" me so I know I can't mess with you
- how you kept thinking I would run you over if you let me have things my way and tried to keep me down
- how you shout at your mum and insult her, how you view women
- how you lied about your ex, making her look like a mentally ill person who controlled and abused you when in reality it was the other way around
- how negative you are, always criticising everything and every one around you
- how ungrateful you are
- how you were nice and caring and a good listener only when you were in the mood for it but cold and rejecting when you didn't feel like it
- how you never accepted that you are an adult and that it's not just you who has to deal with paper work or household stuff even when they don't fee like it
- how you never took any responsibility for your actions but blamed others for it
- how you kept telling me how much you worry that I will leave you because you have nothing to offer but then you were the one leaving me while I kept believing in you
- how you dumped me while I was in hospital with a broken leg and I was even pregnant with your child!!!! (admittedly we both didn't know about the pregnancy then)
- how you left me to deal with the miscarriage alone and blocked me right after I told you about it! You really have NO manners at all

oops, that was a long list....[/QUOTE]
xoxAngelxox is offline  
Old 08-25-2018, 06:17 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by xoxAngelxox View Post
Wow even you’ve list d things that I can relate too!!! It made me feel so much better letting it all out I don’t miss it I’m angry at my self for putting up with and OMG the toilet yes !!! The disappearing for a few days !!! Then they decide they will see you but you can guarantee it’s because there feeling down !!! I don’t think I will ever date anyone that drinks again !
My ex didn't even drink (anymore), he was already sober for nearly 4 years when we met. His behaviour was just as bad. I just ignored all the red flags... I hope I've learned my lesson!
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Old 08-25-2018, 06:45 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
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I know I have learnt my the heartache the frustration the upset they don’t care about anything except there next drink my ex has got worse 3 years apart and it’s so much worse he drink drives, He has memory black outs more so now.
he drinks in week but as soon as 3pm Friday comes his on party mode and will drink everything and anything I don’t want that on my life
Originally Posted by kevlarsjal2 View Post
My ex didn't even drink (anymore), he was already sober for nearly 4 years when we met. His behaviour was just as bad. I just ignored all the red flags... I hope I've learned my lesson!
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Old 08-25-2018, 07:40 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
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What I don't miss

Waking up covered in your **** as you wet the bed
Telling me I could not have friends as in his mind I was a lesbian.
Hating me because I was successful and threatening to get me fired
Making you a resume
Getting you your birth certificate
Holding your hand to the job , making you a lunch, dropping you off being your biggest cheerleader. You never held mine you were convinced I slept with everyone and tried to get me fired.
Losing your job within 2 months I handled your tdi paperwork you gave me nothing and spent 1400 in like a week in the package store.
Calling me another female's name during sex.
Dissing me for alcohol related events after I drove 90 mins to you with no gas from you.
Taking my car when you were way over the limit and I was sleeping and using my credit card for more booze.
Walking on eggshells.
6 k credit lined maxed
Cooking for you, helping you, pampering you all while holding down 2 jobs while you laid around all day.
Listening to you cry for a whole year.
Getting you ubers to get to your daughter only to be told he can't date me he will lose his daughter.
Fireball nips sleeves of them
His drunk family who treated me bad.
The smear campaign he is launching on me right now.
Didn't want me driving he would call and yell, scream I'm out going to see an ex when I would be grocery shopping for a blizzard.
Told me I can't have a Facebook
Looking at his and tons of other interactions w/ females.
Using my broken heart to get his bill paid.
What I don't miss me acting crazy in June and July searching for answers by calling, speaking to family, making fake Facebook's only to be blocked. Went out w no dignity over a loser.
What I'm happy about
NC 7/11/18
Changed my number cancelled his line so he can never get his old number back. Blocked, deleted fb. I finally said this is it you are now a stranger w memories.
Enjoying the end of my summer now.
Baby steps
This website
Blessings
Shredder22 is offline  
Old 08-25-2018, 08:26 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
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Wow he did a lot but I am glad you are moving in the right dorefrion for you and now there can o ky be happy times ahead for you and for all of us that have seen the light xx
Originally Posted by Shredder22 View Post
Waking up covered in your **** as you wet the bed
Telling me I could not have friends as in his mind I was a lesbian.
Hating me because I was successful and threatening to get me fired
Making you a resume
Getting you your birth certificate
Holding your hand to the job , making you a lunch, dropping you off being your biggest cheerleader. You never held mine you were convinced I slept with everyone and tried to get me fired.
Losing your job within 2 months I handled your tdi paperwork you gave me nothing and spent 1400 in like a week in the package store.
Calling me another female's name during sex.
Dissing me for alcohol related events after I drove 90 mins to you with no gas from you.
Taking my car when you were way over the limit and I was sleeping and using my credit card for more booze.
Walking on eggshells.
6 k credit lined maxed
Cooking for you, helping you, pampering you all while holding down 2 jobs while you laid around all day.
Listening to you cry for a whole year.
Getting you ubers to get to your daughter only to be told he can't date me he will lose his daughter.
Fireball nips sleeves of them
His drunk family who treated me bad.
The smear campaign he is launching on me right now.
Didn't want me driving he would call and yell, scream I'm out going to see an ex when I would be grocery shopping for a blizzard.
Told me I can't have a Facebook
Looking at his and tons of other interactions w/ females.
Using my broken heart to get his bill paid.
What I don't miss me acting crazy in June and July searching for answers by calling, speaking to family, making fake Facebook's only to be blocked. Went out w no dignity over a loser.
What I'm happy about
NC 7/11/18
Changed my number cancelled his line so he can never get his old number back. Blocked, deleted fb. I finally said this is it you are now a stranger w memories.
Enjoying the end of my summer now.
Baby steps
This website
Blessings
xoxAngelxox is offline  
Old 08-25-2018, 10:07 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
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The smell of our bedroom after you have slept there.
The picking of fights because your drunk
The screaming at our kids on vacation because your drunk
Ruining important days Valentines, anniversaries, birthdays because of your drinking
Taking your wife and children to a home where active addicts are and then leaving them there to wait for a ride home when you come back. Merry F*&$#@!
Christmas
The fact that you have slept with other women while giving me the impression you were "working on our marriage"
The promises you made with no intention of following through to me and the kids time and time again
The selfish way you refused to leave the house before our DD's SAT so we had to rent a hotel so she could have some peace
The selfish way you refused to leave until DD and I moved out
The fact that you question the family spending while you are renting an apartment more than our mortgage, spending $$$ traveling, drinking, dinner dates etc
The fact that because of your behavior our children will be in therapy for a very long time
The fact that you were not strong enough to face your family dynamics and continue this pattern into our family forever changing who are children are
The fact that you will not address the drinking to have a relationship with our DD
The lies you have told our DS about being on a business trip when you were not
The temper tantrums you had over the fact that people had any life outside of your presence.
Claiming to be a "good man" to our children while trying to deny spousal support
Never taking responsibility for your own actions and their consequences
Driving our family so many times when intoxicated
Daily lying where you've been, what you've been doing how much you drank
Blaming your intimacy issues on me, my looks, my weight, my attitude
Extreme selfishness rules different for you than any other member of the family (money, time, vacations, clothing, cars etc)
Blaming our DS for hidden alcohol in the toilet tank
Blaming everyone else in your life for your drinking (extended family, deaths in family, job slights and challenges, lack of sex, life is hard and unfair)
Hearing "I am such a good guy, I have done everything for this family" everything except the one thing we needed
The entitlement that everyone should be available at the exact time you feel like engaging which was rare
The constant monitoring of everyones actions except your own
Your inability to be happy with the life you made
Blaming our family for every decision you willing participated in
Choosing sickness over your family
Unwillingness to look at your flaws, your past, your choices and how they have put you in your current situation.
The internet stalking!!!

So much more but its making me angry ......again
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Old 08-25-2018, 11:19 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
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Wowwweee. I get all of this, i do. I was married to an alcoholic for 26 years who walked out on me! But how about we talk about what makes us grateful?

I am so grateful that your alcoholism pushed me into Alanon, which pushed me into meeting incredible coaches and therapists that have guided me into doing the healing I needed to do to find my self worth that was in the ******* and to love myself again.

I am so grateful that you left and when I come around the corner I don't see your truck in the driveway and know that I will be walking into a house where only peace resides

I am so grateful that I can now see a trashcan and not feel the need to dig through it anymore looking for evidence you were drinking. Now, finally, a trashcan is just a trashcan

I am so grateful that when I open my beautiful cabinet doors I know exactly what is in there and am not afraid of finding the scotch bottle hidden in the back.

I am so grateful that I can drink with friends and know that if I put the remaining bottle of wine on the counter, that in the morning it will still be there.

I am grateful for the sound of peace and serenity in my home and that the yelling and suffering is all but a distant memory.

I am so grateful that when the people in my life say they will do something, or show up, for the most part they actually do. And when they don't or can't, they call and let me know. And it's the truth.

I am grateful that all the people in my life now I stand on equal footing with them. I am not their mother, their caretaker, the one who picks up the stuff they drop. Everyone is responsible for their own life.

I am grateful that when i look at my bank account it is the same as the last time I looked. No mysterious chunks of money disappearing. I am in control of my finances.

I am grateful that when I go in my closet it is to get dressed and be amongst my pretty things I've bought. It's not a place to hide and cry anymore.

I am grateful that I have learned I am not crazy, insane, my mother, or all of the other things he used to call me. Gaslighting does not exist in my world.

I am grateful that I don't have to decipher between lies and truth and manipulation. I am surrounded by people who are honest and full of love and kindness.

I am grateful that my auto insurance is down because it is only me and I don't have tickets or accidents or other nonsense that his record was filled with.

I am grateful for giving and receiving love to those in my life and loving myself enough to know when to say no and walk away when things don't feel right.

I am grateful for having learned about compassion and empathy and forgiveness which has allowed me to let him go and has allowed me to move on without the bags of shame, regret, resentment or anger weighing me down.

I am grateful for a second chance at life and starting over at 52 years old with such incredible joy and happiness, that without having done any of the hard work in healing due to his alcoholism I would've known.

I'd rather focus on what fills me and leads me down a road I choose to travel rather than one that drags me down. It's a choice. It took me a very, very, very long time to understand that. I relished in the victim role. Poor me. But I know that wasn't doing anything to help me grow and put a life back together for myself. Yes, alot of very horrible things happened to me during my marriage and I sure could stay in that place and relive it all. But to what end? I choose to see his disease as his battle to bear. I send him love merely because he is human, and I turn and walk with my head held high. Loving the woman that I am and looking forward to the days that lie ahead full of adventures.
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Old 08-25-2018, 12:55 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
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Well done you this is amazing you have a lot to be grateful for we all do there is light at the end of the tunnel for us all xx
Originally Posted by FindingAmy View Post
Wowwweee. I get all of this, i do. I was married to an alcoholic for 26 years who walked out on me! But how about we talk about what makes us grateful?

I am so grateful that your alcoholism pushed me into Alanon, which pushed me into meeting incredible coaches and therapists that have guided me into doing the healing I needed to do to find my self worth that was in the ******* and to love myself again.

I am so grateful that you left and when I come around the corner I don't see your truck in the driveway and know that I will be walking into a house where only peace resides

I am so grateful that I can now see a trashcan and not feel the need to dig through it anymore looking for evidence you were drinking. Now, finally, a trashcan is just a trashcan

I am so grateful that when I open my beautiful cabinet doors I know exactly what is in there and am not afraid of finding the scotch bottle hidden in the back.

I am so grateful that I can drink with friends and know that if I put the remaining bottle of wine on the counter, that in the morning it will still be there.

I am grateful for the sound of peace and serenity in my home and that the yelling and suffering is all but a distant memory.

I am so grateful that when the people in my life say they will do something, or show up, for the most part they actually do. And when they don't or can't, they call and let me know. And it's the truth.

I am grateful that all the people in my life now I stand on equal footing with them. I am not their mother, their caretaker, the one who picks up the stuff they drop. Everyone is responsible for their own life.

I am grateful that when i look at my bank account it is the same as the last time I looked. No mysterious chunks of money disappearing. I am in control of my finances.

I am grateful that when I go in my closet it is to get dressed and be amongst my pretty things I've bought. It's not a place to hide and cry anymore.

I am grateful that I have learned I am not crazy, insane, my mother, or all of the other things he used to call me. Gaslighting does not exist in my world.

I am grateful that I don't have to decipher between lies and truth and manipulation. I am surrounded by people who are honest and full of love and kindness.

I am grateful that my auto insurance is down because it is only me and I don't have tickets or accidents or other nonsense that his record was filled with.

I am grateful for giving and receiving love to those in my life and loving myself enough to know when to say no and walk away when things don't feel right.

I am grateful for having learned about compassion and empathy and forgiveness which has allowed me to let him go and has allowed me to move on without the bags of shame, regret, resentment or anger weighing me down.

I am grateful for a second chance at life and starting over at 52 years old with such incredible joy and happiness, that without having done any of the hard work in healing due to his alcoholism I would've known.

I'd rather focus on what fills me and leads me down a road I choose to travel rather than one that drags me down. It's a choice. It took me a very, very, very long time to understand that. I relished in the victim role. Poor me. But I know that wasn't doing anything to help me grow and put a life back together for myself. Yes, alot of very horrible things happened to me during my marriage and I sure could stay in that place and relive it all. But to what end? I choose to see his disease as his battle to bear. I send him love merely because he is human, and I turn and walk with my head held high. Loving the woman that I am and looking forward to the days that lie ahead full of adventures.
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Old 08-26-2018, 02:49 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FindingAmy View Post
But how about we talk about what makes us grateful?
Sometimes we don't feel particularly grateful. When I first discovered this site I was grateful to find out that I wasn't alone and that others were also experiencing/had experienced similar horrific, gross and distasteful behavior.
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Old 08-26-2018, 03:06 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
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LLLisa, I totally get it. I too found comfort in others understanding my pain when I came here, but I found more comfort in those saying that there is another side to this. And you aren't in this forever. There is an end to your pain.

It took me a long time to get to gratitude. I was angry and lost and resentful and confused, full of shame and guilt and everything that goes along with being involved with an alcoholic. It was in no way meant to belittle what we have all felt walking that walk or in any way take away from those feelings. I honor that in everyone experiencing what they are experiencing.

My point was just that sometimes we get so caught up in what we feel they did to us, or the hell that they put us through. And it's all real and it's all valid, but sometimes we just need to breathe and sit back and find a sliver or gratitude. Even just a sliver. Something to hold on to letting us know we are ok and we are loved.

I am truly sorry if you felt offended by my words. Just trying to give out a bit of hope that there is a light at the end of all of this.
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Old 08-26-2018, 04:42 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FindingAmy View Post
Sometimes we just need to breathe and sit back and find a sliver or gratitude. Even just a sliver. Something to hold on to letting us know we are ok and we are loved.
Thank you for this
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Old 08-26-2018, 04:45 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
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What i don't miss...
The horseblinds his family wore
Presentation, presentation, presentation- he was consumed with appearance and how the public viewed him
The way he talked about how others loved him, praised him.... i called him Mr. Majestic
Him building up his savings account while throwing a big ole baby fit if i questioned him
When i left a tip he would immediately grab it and put it under his plate like he was the one who left it.
Driving his pickup round and round the perimeter of the house while drunk.
My daughter and i looking for him when his company would come ask us where he was
The anger and rage whether drunk or sober
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Old 08-26-2018, 07:58 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
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I'm still dealing with the pain of living with a selfish alcoholic. it makes me feel like ripping my insides out. I'm paralyzed with depression from it. When I can figure out to remove myself from this most horrible situation I will never miss:

-The lies
-The late nights out getting wasted and ignoring my calls.
-Snoring so loud after passing out drunk
-Pissing the bed , pissing on the floor , pissing in the kitchen.
-Coming home visibly drunk and telling me you haven't had a drink
-Putting me down in front of our friends calling me an ******* , telling me to get lost in front of everyone because you were drunk
-Driving you everywhere because you don't drive and you are a drunk
-SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH!
-LIES
-Walking out on me to go to the bar with your buddies because that is your priority
-Proposing to me and then two weeks later come home at 5am wasted. THAT is NOT a man I want to marry.
- not spending Christmas together because you came home wasted and I told you I refuse to honor you when you continue to get drunk
-Every weekend hanging out like you're a teenager or some kind of single dude who just sits at the bar drinking
- not putting any effort into our relationship. In 6yrs never spoke to me once about a future just basically threw a ring at me to make me "feel special".
-mouthwash and gum to try to cover up the alcohol. I'm NOT stupid!!!
-feel like I'm your mother
-NEVER been there for me. I can't trust you or rely on you!
- stupid drunk face.
-being sick to my stomach laying in bed waiting for you to come home. Pretending to be asleep when you come back drunk
-having to spend $100. To stay the night at a hotel because I can't be around you at home when you are drunk and screaming at me and the neighbors can hear
- making me hate myself because I'm loyal and put every ounce of energy into someone who put zero into me and made me feel like second best and taking everything I did for him for granted. I'm sick with hatred.
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Old 08-26-2018, 08:19 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
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Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
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FindingAmy—

I really enjoyed your post!!! I kept it. I have a tendency to look at the dark side of things, and it was nice to have you turn on the light.

To all the others here, I feel your pain. I’ve been there,

The anger helps us get away and STAY away from them. The realization we cannot save them, or change them no matter what we sacrifice. They can only save themselves, and we can only save ourselves .

When my ex alcoholic boyfriend was in the hospital for rehab, there was a circle of us partners talking about possible relapse. The counselor/leader was asking each of us individually in the circle, how will you react when they relapse?

And one by one, the partners would say something like “oh I will be there for him/her“ and when they got to me, all I said was “I’m out of there I’m done!“

And of course it isn’t as simple As this, but the bottom line is, that he did, and i left .

Haven’t regretted one day of my Freedom.

That was 20 years ago.
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Old 08-26-2018, 10:34 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
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I’m not going to miss;
- watching food fall out of your mouth when you eat drunk.
- waiting to hear the garage door open while keeping the phone next to me.
- the fear of you killing someone drunk driving.
- cleaning the bathroom because you sway while pissing.
- the tension when I stare at you trying to decide if you drank or not.
- the excuses I have to come up with as to why we cant attend a social function.
- the scavenging for empties hidden around the house.
- the lies
- the anger
- the depression
- the fear.

I will embrace;
The freedom.
The peace.
The calm.
The fresh start.
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Old 08-26-2018, 11:35 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
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I don't miss being neglected by my own husband.
I don't miss watching my husband neglect our kids.
I don't miss all the money problems we had because of his addiction.
I don't miss the constant verbal disrespect.
I don't miss being lied too.
I don't miss being cheated on.
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Old 10-04-2018, 02:38 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
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I am grateful for safe, healthy environments. I'm grateful for healing, laughter, having fun and enjoying life.

I'm grateful for learning how to release fears, trauma and anxiety.

I am grateful for this day.

#lifeisgood
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