You accurately described two things that I remember vividly and never want to return to.
I’d set a date and the date would come. Occasionally I’d actually stop that day. Most often exactly what you describe here would transpire. But perhaps I’d stop that day. Again, exactly what you describe here would transpire.
It sounds dramatic but I had to surrender. And it sounds dramatic because it is. It’s dramatic when a rational, smart, otherwise committed person makes a decision that is important to them and which shouldn’t be a hard one to make and execute, fails time after time.
So I surrendered. I couldn’t do this very simple little thing that would save my life. I didn’t plan to stop drinking the day I did, but it was the day I woke up, as you describe here, feeling awful for the umpteen hundredth or thousandth time, and stepped out of the cycle. I didn’t say goodbye to it, we didn’t have one last dance, didn’t linger at the door, I came here and humbly asked for help, even though I’d been a member for five years, and finally started doing everything the people here suggested. I joined a class and spent a lot of time here reading and posting and then as much time off of here implementing everything that was said to the best of my ability.
Some benefit better from AA or another program, combined with this. For me, this worked. No cute date. Just another random hung over Friday, a day that would have otherwise been one of those days I would have wasted and never got back.
You won’t regret stopping right this minute. You may regret giving yourself 11 days to stand by the door saying goodbye, while the demon chats you up and talks you out of it.