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How can I stop drinking?

Old 08-20-2018, 11:40 PM
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How can I stop drinking?

So I’ve decided that I’m giving up drinking on September the 1st. I’m now worried how I’m going to do it? I am always trying to stop drinking but the addiction drags me back in. I can go a day or maybe 2 or 3 without a drink and then something takes a hold of me and I start again. It usually happens when I’m driving home from work. I will suddenly start thinking about drink and it’s like I become in a trance with only one thought in my mind. I get home and start drinking. I eventually go to bed drunk. I never sleep well and when I wake up I feel awful. I feel tired, guilty and full of remorse. I tell myself that this is the last time and I’m never going to drink again. All day I spend my time being disappointed with myself and make plans to quit. Then six o clock rolls around and it’s as if I’ve got amnesia. The thought of drinking gets into my head and the cycle starts again.

I am determined to quit on September 1st. I’ve told my wife and friends I’m going on a booze free challenge to make myself accountable. As the day gets closer I’m now worried. What do I do when the voice comes into my mind. How do I say no? Willpower alone has not worked for me, the voice is too strong. How do I regain control to quiet the voice?

Any help greately appreciated
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Old 08-21-2018, 12:03 AM
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Hi whatsgoingon - I can tell you what worked for me., I really used SR. Every time I had that urge to drink, I'd come here and post instead.

It really was that fundamental for me.

The first 30 days were pretty rough but I wanted a better life and I wanted change so I committed to coming here and posting and staying here til the urge went away.

If the urge comes over you on the way home - deny it. Pull over and log in if you're using your phone... or go home and log in here from there.

As long as you're putting effort into not drinking, and no effort into drinking, you're on the right track.

If you find SR is not enough for you then you'll have to consider the other things like AA, SMART life ring or other meeting based groups, book based approaches like Rational Recovery , or counselling, doctors, inpatient or outpatient rehab.

I think SR when used correctly and consistently helps most folks tho.

And why wait til September?

Lose your misery today - join the class of August support thread now, Whatsgoingon

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-two-11.html

D
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Old 08-21-2018, 12:05 AM
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Oh my days - you have just described me until last month. Scary!!

I gave up at least a hundred times. Usually listed two days max. And I’d decide to drink either at 11am whilst at work; or at 2pm; or on my way home. I couldn’t do anything about it

But I have found that I could do something about it. By listening to people on here, taking advice even when the advice isn’t easy, by getting support from my significant other and by DOING things differently I am almost to a month.

I rarely get cravings and when I do I have a plan to allow them to pass. I sleep wonderfully, eat well, even do a bit of exercise. My life is still very messy as 22 years or heavy drinking would obviously lead to. Lots of shite to work through, not least in my own head

I’m new to sobriety, a lot of others are much better placed to give techniques etc. I just want to give you hope that it IS a possible and not only that it is much much better than a drinking half-life
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Old 08-21-2018, 12:25 AM
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Hi, welcome back. So glad you made it (many dont).

Well, it might be worth reading back through those old threads. The advise and support you got then is still relevant, and you will be able to spot the suggestions that you were (at that time) unwilling to try for yourself. Hopefully, some of the things you rejected for some reason or another may be things you're willing to try now.

I would suggest reading about making a recovery plan, and making one that you can follow. It's one thing to stop drinking (abstain), but if we are going to manage life without that old crutch we do need to put new and better supports into place or we will wobble and fall.

This thread of Dees is a good one to get going.... https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...y-plans-1.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

There are lots of other threads about recivery plans that are worth searching for and following.

Have you considered making use of the recovery support locally as well?
https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org...Find-a-Meeting
https://www.smartrecovery.org.uk/mee...ff/2018-08-27/
https://www.dewis.wales/SearchResult...+4uw&geo=&d=25

I would say that the most basic of plans could revolve around awareness of and planning around avoiding / getting rid of HALT triggers (Hungry Angry Lonely Tired). The Lonely one is esp important. I read somewhere that the opposite to addiction is connection. And this for me is where AA comes in. Not because I don't have great friends and family outside of AA, but to talk to them about a lot of stuff (drinking or not drinking, how it affects me, how to deal with my crazy feelings when not using drink to shut them off for some respite, etc) would just worry those people, and they're too invested in me for me to want to burden them with it, plus they are normies so just wouldnt really 'get it' anyway. So I go to AA and get to listen to others, and find out what works for them. I can be frank about how I'm feeling znd what im thinking with no risk of harming those i love. And I get to be a listening ear for others who need the same.

A lot of recovery is about changing our perspectives. We have to watch for wishful thinking and self-pity and resentments as these are likely to affect us pretty badly. Many folk make gratitude lists a part of their plan. There is a phone app called 365 gratitude that can be helpful for this.

Also, it's worth adjusting your routine. You know what your usual drinking pattern is. When you start thinking about the first drink for whichever day. When you 'drinking time' is. It's worth making some plans as to what you will do with this time rather than just sitting there feeling odd because you aren't drinking. Meetings, walks, joining clubs, resuming some old hobbies that went by the wayside when you discovered alcohol, volunteering... There are lots of possibilities.

I too started my sobriety by telling poeple I was just stopping for a short time (in my case Lent). It was useful in that it got people off my back and meant I could put off explaining that I was going to carry on not drinking because it felt so good. Trouble is, at the end of that period my old drinking buddies were all excited for me to join them for a big session (yes, I'd been hanging out at the pub drinking squash - I realky made it hard for myself because i thought that was my only option. That's where my friends were. That's where people knew me and expected me to be. I just didn't get it that if I wanted to change, things would need to change! Also, at the end of Lent, because I'd done nothing at all towards recovery, I was a jangling mess. I'd removed alcohol (my crutch from 15 to 40 - 25 years) and not looked for anything else to put in it's place. I was a raging hot mess and worried for my sanity. That was the point when I finally went to AA and found this place etc. Of course, I was saying "yeah, I'm stopping drinking because I feel soooo much better now" and anyone talking to me and looking at me could see through that bull straight away. Because we don't tend to get better that quickly. Hopefully if you put some support and have a recovery plan you can avoid getting so uncomfortable as I made it for myself,but there will still be some times when it doesn't feel so good - but that WILL pass if you keep working on your recovery.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
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Old 08-21-2018, 12:40 AM
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Welcome WhatsGoingOn.

By giving yourself a future quit date, your mind is giving you permission to drink as much as you want up until then. Why not quit now. Today.

Do yourself that favour.

My drinking was as you describe. What helped me was changing my routine, keeping busy to distract me through "booze o'clock".

The first few days felt like having the flu as my body withdrew from my daily drinking.

There are plenty of recovery programs out there to help us. A lot are online if attending a 3d meeting is not for you.

Wishing you all the very best.
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Old 08-21-2018, 12:48 AM
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Hi whatsgoingon, you describe what Alcoholics Anonymous calls the mental obsession quite well.

" There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it - this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish."

" But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened."

The way forward for me was first to try and quit on my own. When that didn't work I tried therapy and treatment(loony bin). When that didn't work and I was out of options, I grabbed what AA had to offer with all the desperation that a drowning person siezes a life preserver. That worked.
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Old 08-21-2018, 01:39 AM
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Originally Posted by whatsgoingon View Post
How do I regain control to quiet the voice?
Starve it.

There is no other way.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.
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Old 08-21-2018, 01:54 AM
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I had the exact same daily thinking as you OP. Swear never to drink again upon waking up, but drunk by bedtime.

I had to accept that I should not, could not, must not, will not drink again. Alcohol was my master, a 'friend ' who had a bad influence on me. I had to sever the 'friendship' with this bully.
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Old 08-21-2018, 02:15 AM
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As others have mentioned it is important you put a solid plan into place. Logging on here or going to a meeting are good ideas. It would also be wise to change up your routine after work. Take a different route home, when you get home do something different- go for a walk, get straight to cooking dinner, read a book.... something different.
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Old 08-21-2018, 02:44 AM
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Originally Posted by whatsgoingon View Post
I am determined to quit on September 1st. I’ve told my wife and friends I’m going on a booze free challenge to make myself accountable. As the day gets closer I’m now worried.
By setting a quit date so far in the future, you've given yourself 11 days to talk yourself out of quitting. And 11 days to drink.

You asked how to stop drinking...this isn't the most effective way.
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Old 08-21-2018, 03:33 AM
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Hello whatsgoingon,

As you've previously stopped drinking for 8 months in the past I'm sure you'll be able to stop again if you really want to, you know you can do this.

There's really is no time like the present so I wouldn't hold off on making the decision to stop once and for all.

Have faith in yourself and good luck.

J
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Old 08-21-2018, 03:48 AM
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I second what doggonecarl said

Whatsgoingon while reading your post I felt like I could have been reading something I wrote myself. I went through that exact same vicious cycle day after day. And I too told myself that I was going to allow myself to drink through August of this year and stop on September first.

But after some reflecting I looked back and realized how many times I’ve done that in the past, to no avail. Setting a date to stop is just your AV giving you false hope. It’s telling you, “September 1st is still a ways off. Don’t worry, you can drink all you want between now and then” and all the while you are just strengthening your addiction.

On August 8th I told that voice in my head to F off. Enough was enough.

If you really want to stop then the best time to do it is right now forget dates forget time in general just stop, right here, right now. You’ll thank yourself on September first when you’ve been sober for 11 days.
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Old 08-21-2018, 04:17 AM
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Here’s what worked for me:

1 choose to embrace SOBRIETY
2 support that choice with ACTION
3 attend AA
4 read the Big Book daily
5 post and read here daily
6 attend therapy / counseling weekly
7 immediately cease engaging in activity involving drinking / drinkers
8 have at least three sober people to call for support
9 call those people for support
10 repeat
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Old 08-21-2018, 04:18 AM
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Oh..... and number 0..... DONT DRINK ALCOHOL.
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Old 08-21-2018, 04:27 AM
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This voice you're hearing that's telling you to drink, that's pretty weird. A lot of the narration our brains supply to us free of charge, the nonstop running commentary, isn't particularly helpful to us. You might want to look into meditation.

By the way, you don't have to drink!
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Old 08-21-2018, 04:30 AM
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I echo the opinions / advice of others to not put off your sobriety date to September 1st. I was also one of those who vowed not to drink in the morning, only to drink again later that day.

Stay close to SR and keep reading. I hope you declare a Day 1 prior to September 1st. Rooting for you.
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Old 08-21-2018, 04:38 AM
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There is really only one day to get sober.....

TODAY.

Anything else, in my experience, is a self-delusion.

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Old 08-21-2018, 05:20 AM
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Just don't drink today. Post here as often as possible. Stay in the present. Don't worry about tomorrow. One day at a time.
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Old 08-21-2018, 05:21 AM
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Sobriety comes when you finally realize that alcohol is keeping you from really having a good life. It is not helping you only hurting you physically, mentally and emotionally. Maybe drinking for you is a way to cope with life as it really is without chemically altering your perspective. Are you ready to face what you have made of your life without alcohol? Is that why you are planning on waiting until September 1st? To prepare yourself for what you may see in the mirror? The real challenge is not to quit drinking but, rather living without the addiction.
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Old 08-21-2018, 05:51 AM
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You accurately described two things that I remember vividly and never want to return to.

I’d set a date and the date would come. Occasionally I’d actually stop that day. Most often exactly what you describe here would transpire. But perhaps I’d stop that day. Again, exactly what you describe here would transpire.

It sounds dramatic but I had to surrender. And it sounds dramatic because it is. It’s dramatic when a rational, smart, otherwise committed person makes a decision that is important to them and which shouldn’t be a hard one to make and execute, fails time after time.

So I surrendered. I couldn’t do this very simple little thing that would save my life. I didn’t plan to stop drinking the day I did, but it was the day I woke up, as you describe here, feeling awful for the umpteen hundredth or thousandth time, and stepped out of the cycle. I didn’t say goodbye to it, we didn’t have one last dance, didn’t linger at the door, I came here and humbly asked for help, even though I’d been a member for five years, and finally started doing everything the people here suggested. I joined a class and spent a lot of time here reading and posting and then as much time off of here implementing everything that was said to the best of my ability.

Some benefit better from AA or another program, combined with this. For me, this worked. No cute date. Just another random hung over Friday, a day that would have otherwise been one of those days I would have wasted and never got back.

You won’t regret stopping right this minute. You may regret giving yourself 11 days to stand by the door saying goodbye, while the demon chats you up and talks you out of it.
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