I have ZERO expectation that a sponsor would call me, for example, if he was aware XAH was drinking. But maybe he would encourage XAH to reach out to me himself to take the kids for a few extra days if he was aware XAH was struggling?
again, that is WAYYYYY outside of the role of sponsor. a sponsor has a single purpose, to help guide a person thru the steps of AA. they are not the booze police. they are not therapists. they are not mediators. they are not life coaches.
this is from an AA pamphlet on sponsorship:
What does a sponsor do and not do?
• A sponsor does everything possible, within the
limits of personal experience and knowledge,
to help the newcomer get sober and stay sober
through the A.A. program.
• Shows by present example and drinking history
what A.A. has meant in the sponsor’s life.
• Encourages and helps the newcomer to attend
a variety of A.A. meetings — to get a number
of viewpoints and interpretations of the A.A.
program.
• Suggests keeping an open mind about A.A. if
the newcomer isn’t sure at first whether he or she
is an alcoholic.
• Introduces the newcomer to other members.
• Sees that the newcomer is aware of A.A. literature,
in particular the Big Book, Twelve Steps
and Twelve Traditions, Grapevine, As Bill Sees It,
Living Sober and suitable pamphlets.
• Is available to the newcomer when the latter has
special problems.
• Goes over the meaning of the Twelve Steps, and
emphasizes their importance.
• Urges the newcomer to join in group activities
as soon as possible.
• Impresses upon the newcomer the importance
of all our Traditions.
• Tries to give the newcomer some picture of
the scope of A.A., beyond the group, and directs
attention to A.A. literature about the history of
the Fellowship, the Three Legacies, the service
structure, and the worldwide availability of A.A. —
wherever the newcomer may go.
• Explains the program to relatives of the alcoholic,
if this appears to be useful, and tells them about
Al-Anon Family Groups and Alateen.
• Quickly admits, “I don’t know” when that is the
case, and helps the newcomer find a good source
of information.
• The sponsor encourages the newcomer to work
with other alcoholics as soon as possible, and
sometimes begins by taking the newcomer along
on Twelfth Step calls.
• Never takes the newcomer’s inventory except
when asked.
• Never tries to impose personal views on
the newcomer. A good sponsor who is an
atheist does not try to persuade a religious newcomer
to abandon faith, nor does a religious sponsor
argue theological matters with an agnostic
newcomer.
• Does not pretend to know all the answers, and
does not keep up a pretense of being right all
the time.
• An A.A. sponsor does not offer professional services
such as those provided by counselors, the
legal, medical or social work comunities, but may
sometimes help the newcomer to access professional
help if assistance outside the scope of A.A.
is needed.
The sponsor underscores the fact that it is the
A.A. recovery program — not the sponsor’s personality
or position — that is important. Thus, the
newcomer learns to rely on the A.A. program, not
on the sponsor. A sponsor well-grounded in the
A.A. program will not be offended if the newcomer goes to other A.A. members for additional guidance
or even decides to change sponsors.