Having a conversation with his sponsor
Background:
Since I initially discovered my XAH was an alcoholic (post divorce), he's gone back and forth between recovery and relapse every 3-6 months. We've mediated each time, and he's been on and off SoberLink several times. In the wake of each relapse, he has managed to convince everybody that he's serious about recovery, he says he will do whatever it takes, starts monitoring, he'll go to therapy but not meetings, ok fine he'll try meetings, etc.
Then a few months in, he will say he needs to "move forward with his life" and shortly after discontinuing SoberLink, he will relapse.
This past winter, he drove drunk with the kids, and I escalated to formal legal action including a GAL.
I was granted sole custody for most of the school year, he started to see them two days a week this summer, and with the start of the next school year, he'll have them 50% of the time again. He's back on SoberLink, monitoring 5 times a day and successfully. He's been sober about five months.
He says he is attending AA regularly for the first time and working with a sponsor.
Part of our GAL agreement was that I would get to meet and speak with his sponsor.
And now - I'm trying to figure out what exactly I would try to accomplish with a conversation, besides just confirming that he has a sponsor.
If his past pattern holds, he will relapse again in March when his court-ordered monitoring is complete. I am trying to emotionally prepare myself to get back onto that merry-go-round - and I like the idea of there being someone to reach out to when I start to see signs of relapse besides the GAL / my attorney.
I see now so much that I've seen before: he's confident he has control over his alcoholism, he's keeping secrets from his family so they don't find out about his drunk driving or the change in custody, etc.
And now he's about to have the kids 50% of the time, which means half the time he will miss the 7 am meeting he's described as "critical" to his recovery - but not so critical that he'll make arrangements to keep going.
I don't expect a sponsor to assure me that he'll be fine. But I think I would feel better if I got the sense that XAH had been honest with him vs the fleecing he's done with past therapists.
Just trying to wrap my head around a conversation with his sponsor, what I would want to say, if there is any value in a conversation there at all - for me or for him.
Thoughts?