Originally Posted by
BullDog777 
It sounds like you're still trying to bargain you're way through this. There's no bargaining with this illness.
It robs you of everything eventually. That's a fact.
Your original post really kinda bothered me when I read it. It sounds like you're trying to get the reasons why your memory sucks and why you feel like crap than how to stop it.
Right now...maybe you're not as far down as you can go and you have options, but those too will vanish the longer you take to analyze the where, when and why. It's all BS.
In the end you'll just end up like the rest of us if you don't stop.
Morally, financially and emotionally FU$KED with a capital F.
I hope that doesn't happen to you.
My best advise...stop trying to think your way through this.
The journey all starts the same for every one of us.
One day at a time.
That's very true, thank you. I guess, I've been trying to rationalise for too long. That's my addiction talking I guess. Perhaps somehow the argument followed to its logical conclusion is that if I could
somehow solve the why - or perhaps more accurately the
why me - then I could somehow still drink, which is ********. There is nothing to solve. The only solution is to go sober, and I damn well know it.
There is still this part of me that I can't shake off - that wants to pretend that I can still drink moderately, or wont be effected a few drinks. That's the part I need to face up to. I need to seek some kind of real help to face my addiction. The scariest thing about alcohol is how insidious the addiction is. Maybe only other alcoholics will know what I mean. It's there but its a part of you, you can't work out whether its your mind playing tricks on you or whether its the addiction.
I could never rationalise taking cocaine or other drugs like I can with alcohol. I always knew that was some bad ****. But alcohol, god, we're bombared with all these reasons to drink. All these social signs and cues that it's good for us, that its heathy even. And I think that goes someway to ******* us up. We have this brainwashed vision that its good no matter what, no matter how terrible it makes us feel. I guess again, there goes my addiction speaking..Like I said, its a scary thing