If I have some kind of serious disease I don't want to know. I may be in control for things like blood work and stuff but I don't want to do anything like that. My fears and anxieties have been a part of me for so long it is impossible to change that. I am so very extremely terrified and I don't want the torture of anything medical. Any doctor I have seen has always been in a hurry and won't talk. The thing from my experience is only a counselor will sit and talk. A psychiatrist only wants to prescribe medication and I absolutely refuse to take any more drugs. Mind altering drugs are responsible for a lot of my troubles.
Maybe with medical stuff I would be in control but with psychiatric stuff I don't have as much control. When I was in the mental institution back in 1990 I was forced to stay there. Six guys came down and one had a stun gun. Then while there I was forced to take mind altering medications. I won't go through that again.
I was very addicted to Benzos at one time and getting off of them was extremely difficult. I was on Benzos for over twenty years when they should only be prescribed for a few months at most. Zoloft was a brutal drug to come off too with some crazy withdrawals. And the electric brain zaps were intense. With Zoloft when I wasn't doing any better she kept increasing the dosage until I was on 400mg which is a very high dosage. Some people do not do well on Anti Depressants and I'm one of them.
I have been judged by many people while seeking help. I had them say the usual things like don't think about that so much, it's all in you head, you worry too much, or my favorite you are neurotic. I know I'm neurotic now can you please help me instead of judging me and telling me something I already know. From my experience not many people have any clue how to deal with a severely mentally ill person.