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Old 05-10-2018, 02:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Please offer some advice.


I'm in a desperate situation and I am totally lost. I have severe, and probably extreme anxiety, OCD, agoraphobia, depression and more. All family and friends have abandoned me for no reason other than because I have mental illness. I had no big arguments with anyone except my 23 year old son. We were estranged for a couple years, his choice. I speak to him just about every day now. He is the only person I have spoken to in months. I spoke to my ex wife in November and she told me I don't matter. My brother and sister don't talk to me. It's been over five years since I spoke to them. The several friends I had deserted me for life.

My situation now is desperate. I am isolated and alone always. I have abused alcohol for years. I was sober for years and then always started to drink again. Last May I went 17 days without eating anything. Now it has been a month and I have eaten six times. I am very weak and can't eat because I know I have liver disease. I haven't showered or brushed my teeth since July 2016. I am unable to help myself. I hoard everything and my condo is a mess.

I am terrified of people and especially any thing medical related. Saturday I told my son what was going on and he just doesn't care. My so called family and ex wife know what I'm dealing with too but no one will help me.

There is so much more to say but my failing health is a huge concern. I'm facing homelessness and that is as anyone can imagine also causing alot of severe stress. I am suicidal but lack the courage at this time. My entire life has been destroyed.
What can I possibly do?
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Old 05-10-2018, 03:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome Davey

I'm sorry for your situation.

If seeing a Dr or a therapist is totally out of the question for you right now, maybe a crisis line could help - it would be someone to talk to, and they may know of help and support in your local area.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

You can always count on support and understanding here too.

You're not alone

When I was deeply depressed and apathetic I really had to force myself to do basic things like shower eat and clean up. I tried to eat shower and clean up on part of the house a day, in that order. The area needn't be big but there was something about gettign even something small done that helped me no end.

If you're drinking I hope you'll consider stopping. you'll find a lot of support and encouragement for that here too.

To me drink was like gasoline to the fires of my mental illness. Quitting drinking was my first step back to being the person I wanted to be.

Hope to see you around some more

D
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Old 05-10-2018, 05:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Get up and get to a hospital emergency room, the Salvation Army or somewhere and say, "I need help" and go from there. I am sorry you are in this situation, but it appears you are going to have to take the leap and hope that someone will catch you and help you. You may have to be persistent if not even a pest, but this is what you have to do. I wish you the best. Things can't get much worse for you, but if you swing things the other direction, have faith that they can get infinitely better.
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Old 05-10-2018, 05:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
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As stated, reach out for help and accept all the support that is offered, I think you still have hope and it sounds like you have the desire for a better life. You can make the decision and take the steps toward improving your situation.
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Old 05-10-2018, 11:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hi Davey,

Sorry you are in such a tough spot. Please take Dee's advice to heart. Sounds like you are at rock bottom so may as well head up!

Baby steps. Have a shower. Doesn't have to be some long drawn out showerama - just force yourself to stand under the water. Do whatever it takes. If you are more comfortable taking a shower with your clothes on, do that. This will make you feel better.

Second and probably most important is have something to eat. Anything, order something. Ask your Son to drop something off (don't know if you are comfortable seeing him, if not perhaps he could leave something on the step for you). You could also order through grocery delivery. Don't worry about healthy foods at this point, anything that might appeal even a little bit is good enough (if that's a burger and fries - so be it).

You can't begin to rebuild until you start with this. I get being terrified of people, I get being unable to seek medical attention, it seems like a mountain too high to climb.

Seek help, call a crisis line (again baby steps, this doesn't all have to get done in 1 day). There may be ways for them to help you that don't involve you having to go anywhere.

Are you still drinking?
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Old 05-11-2018, 09:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank you for the replies. I know I have to do something but I don't think I can. I can't even use the shower until it is cleaned. I get shortness of breath very easy and can't do much. Yesterday I had a pickle spear and some slices of pepperoni. I'm gonna try to eat something today.

I have been using grocery delivery for about a year now. I also use delivery for alcohol. In the past I also ordered pizzas and chinese food. I do see my son every once in a while. He has done a few things for me in the past few months.

I was always a clean person and showered at least once a day. The estrangement is what did me in because that is when all this started.

Last May I did quit drinking for a couple weeks. When I quit I had the dt's. I had hallucinations also. My alcohol consumption is less because it's very difficult to eat or drink anything. I probably still have a chance but I can't do it alone.
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Old 05-11-2018, 09:54 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I know it's painful to feel estranged from family, but it is really hard for them to watch you slowly fading away and locking yourself away from the world. They know they can't help you until you help yourself and it's too painful for them to watch you deteriorate.

They would most likely be more than willing to have some sort of relationship with a healthier happier person.

You can be that person. Make one phone call today. Call emergency services and have someone come to your house. Don't worry about how you look or how your apartment looks. You need help, but YOU have to start this ball rolling.

Call 911, they will help. Many hugs. Get on this! You can do it.
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Old 05-11-2018, 09:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Try to remember that where you are is not where you have to be. Things can get better.

Eating something today is a great step forward. Try to eat as much as you can, can you order some groceries or Chinese food? Do you have difficulty eating, it wasn't clear from your first post if it's a choice or if you are in pain?

I hope you will also think about what Bimini has said. One phone call could fast track you to a better place. The people that will help you are not mean or judgmental they are there to help you. You can tell them you are an agoraphobic. You can tell them you are scared of people. They treat people that have these challenges every day, they know how to help you. They can help you with the withdrawal you might go through. They will ensure you are comfortable.

Barring that, perhaps you could have a doctor visit you at your house, or a nurse. Remember, you are in control of yourself, you do not need to do anything you don't want to. You can just have a conversation with them if that is what you choose. You can say no. What it will do is give you some options those options are then yours to choose, or not.
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Old 05-12-2018, 06:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I can't eat because of nausea. I didn't eat anything yesterday but hoping to eat today. I very much appreciate the replies. I could order something or I have pasta, rice, meat, and vegetables. I want to try to maybe eat a can of clam chowder with crackers.

I know I have to do something but I haven't found who to contact yet. I have to look more today. The mental health system failed me. I went to Butler six years ago when I wasn't drinking and they did nothing because I wasn't suicidal. And again I tried two years ago with help from my ex wife I couldn't even get a prescription.
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Old 05-12-2018, 01:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Why dont you order some Meal Replacement Drinks that are easy on your stomach and provide you with nutritional value?

But, besides, you may give thought to take the shortcut to reach out for help. If you call a helpline, these people knwow what to do and you wont be their first rodeo. It is perfectly fine to reach out for help, even it may not be easy, but then again, it won't be easy one or the other wy, so what are you waiting for?

Also, you surely will find inother forums some user experience comparable to yours (e.g. no energy to clean up) and get informed, which steps these guys have been taken to a step by step solution.

I personally think after reading your posts you need to change your focus towards getting to action and not seeing all the problems and the nos of your situation, even when this is simple but not easy. But others have manged, so you could do.

Just think "what if I can do this" What if!"

All the Best!
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Old 05-12-2018, 02:52 PM   #11 (permalink)
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You are making progress already. You had only eaten a few days in the month now you ate something the day before yesterday and you will again today.

That's a great step forward right there. Keep going, you are making progress even if it seems small it's actually not. It can make a big difference.
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Old 05-13-2018, 05:34 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Meal replacement drinks is a good idea. Wish I could get some now. I can't find a crisis line, I know I'm not thinking clearly. I couldn't eat anything yesterday I'll try to eat today. I have to talk to someone.
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Old 05-13-2018, 05:54 AM   #13 (permalink)
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The only thing I can find is the suicide line. I actually have called them before but they weren't any help. They try to help but I suspect they have limited training. I'm sure there are some people there with more experience though. If I can't find anything else I'll call them.

Last edited by daveycrockett; 05-13-2018 at 05:55 AM. Reason: Typo
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Old 05-13-2018, 08:47 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Davey,

Yes, the suicide hotline is a good choice too.

I notice you live in RI - You can also try The Samaritans:

24 Hour Crisis Hotline/Listening Line
Emergency? Call 911

Need to talk? (401) 272-4044 or RI (800) 365-4044

Link to their site:

The Samaritans of Rhode Island | Crisis Hotline/Listening Line
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Old 05-13-2018, 01:05 PM   #15 (permalink)
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@ daveycrockett, hey buddy, now you got the numbers, pls call and get back to us. Just Think "what if you can manage to take the first step and call them".
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Old 05-13-2018, 02:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
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It sounds like your family is completely ill-equipped to helping you with your mental illness. Please take the excellent advice Dee and others suggested here and get yourself help from those who truly can help you--the professionals. You are worthy of it. We ALL are.
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Old 05-13-2018, 06:53 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I would look up your local health department and give them a call. They should have an option for the crisis line to get you someone to speak with.
There is tons of help out there, and it sounds like you desperately need it. Pick up the phone and make it happen.
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Old 05-14-2018, 05:25 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Thanks for the replies. I know of the Samaritans but don't know exactly what they do. It is good to have people here who do care, it means alot to me. I'm facing my biggest fears and I can't express how terrified I am. I just keep thinking it would mean the world to me to have a friend or family member who cared. I can't do it alone. I just can't. I couldn't eat yesterday either. Now I'm thinking maybe make a bag of popcorn just to try to eat something.

I just can't believe that every person I ever knew don't care if I'm dead or alive. I did so much for so many people. I was always there for anyone who needed help. I helped all my family and friends countless times. I helped people I didn't know because that's what I do and that's what I know. I am now reduced to tears and crying. One thing for sure I will die alone.
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Old 05-14-2018, 06:05 AM   #19 (permalink)
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How about mustering up some of that helpfulness for yourself?

As someone else mentioned, your friends and family are not equipped to deal with your mental health issues. They are probably at their wits end and have no idea what to do now to help you.

I'm sure they have made suggestions but when someone is terrified of seeking help, what can they do? Short of dropping off food from time to time.

They probably do care, for sure your Son does, he's still in touch but he is probably lost as well.

Mental problems are complicated and again, people don't know how to deal with it. How do you help a family member that won't eat? Actually start there, how would you help them? Help yourself using that same helpful nature you have.

Have you called Meals on Wheels? I don't know your age but you might qualify regardless. If nothing else, can you call them today? If you don't think you can you could perhaps ask your Son to fill out the referral, they take referrals from family members and friends.

Register For Meals | RI Meals

As for the Samaritans from looking at the site it sounds like they are a group that will listen and also they know what resources are available. So a call to chat certainly couldn't hurt, first things first though, perhaps Meals on Wheels is a place to start today.

I understand the fear in calling the Samaritans (I really do) but remember, you are in control, it is just a phone call, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Find out what your options are, they may offer help that doesn't actually terrify you, so a phone call can't hurt.

What have you got to lose at this point except more miserable days. It does not have to be that way.
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Old 05-14-2018, 06:25 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Davey, if you keep saying what you're saying to yourself, nothing is going to change.

My family all abandoned me too (in my eyes, but I was depressed and I was drinking and I was difficult to be around, so maybe I caused it?) It's not like I was a ray of sunshine in their lives. In hindsight I know they had their own issues, mine were mine to solve.

At some point we all find ourselves in the Wilderness. Alone. Up against it. I got pretty sick of being miserable.

There is a way out - but YOU have to make it happen. Dwelling on what's wrong just makes things worse and you have to break that pattern. I started with counseling, the Bible, and self-help books.

Make a call today. Ask for help. There are many people out there who make it their life's work to help others. If your family and friends are not willing or able, there are people who are.

You are not alone in the world. Take a step toward the light.
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