Started to feel a bit lost lately.
Just a few negative thoughts lately.
Seen an old way of thinking happening in my head.
Kind of like a beginning of a relapse to old ways of doing things. NOT DRINKING. But things that would try and trigger. Maybe AV?
Saw my best friend and long time drinking buddy on his 42 birthday last week. He had had his party the day before my arrival.
Got there at 11am to see him with a beer in hand( I expected that)
Watched him drink all day long till I went home.
It was like looking in the mirror and seeing myself as I would have been if I’d have still been drinking. Very scary and too close to home.
We are pretty much the same people as we’ve grown up together only he has carried on boozing.
It’s when I make excuses for his drinking to be ok it’s like making excuses for my beast and saying it’s ok all that pain and suffering you put me through.
Also I am coming up to my record of 18months off booze next month so I’m kind of getting a bit nervy.
Just getting it off my chest.
Thanks for listening