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Started to feel a bit lost lately.

Old 08-11-2018, 12:04 PM
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Started to feel a bit lost lately.

Just a few negative thoughts lately.
Seen an old way of thinking happening in my head.
Kind of like a beginning of a relapse to old ways of doing things. NOT DRINKING. But things that would try and trigger. Maybe AV?

Saw my best friend and long time drinking buddy on his 42 birthday last week. He had had his party the day before my arrival.
Got there at 11am to see him with a beer in hand( I expected that)
Watched him drink all day long till I went home.
It was like looking in the mirror and seeing myself as I would have been if I’d have still been drinking. Very scary and too close to home.
We are pretty much the same people as we’ve grown up together only he has carried on boozing.
It’s when I make excuses for his drinking to be ok it’s like making excuses for my beast and saying it’s ok all that pain and suffering you put me through.

Also I am coming up to my record of 18months off booze next month so I’m kind of getting a bit nervy.

Just getting it off my chest.
Thanks for listening
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Old 08-11-2018, 12:37 PM
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Snowy, 18 months is great!

I wouldn't like to spend a day with someone who was drinking all day either. Maybe you could plan to meet him under different circumstances next time? I think it's good that you are aware that your AV may be reacting.
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Old 08-11-2018, 12:48 PM
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First off, congratulations on your 18 months! And good for you for not succumbing to the temptation of cracking a cold one with your old buddy, even after being around it all day. I can well imagine you have a lot of emotions going on. Like you said, it was like looking in a mirror and seeing what your life would be like if you were still drinking. I have a question: When you say you "make excuses for his drinking to be okay," are you making those excuses to yourself in your head? Or is he saying something along the lines of "yeah, I probably drink too much," and you're saying "No, man, you're fine. You have a lot on your plate" because you don't want to seem like you're judging an old friend?
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Old 08-11-2018, 01:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Branches View Post
First off, congratulations on your 18 months! And good for you for not succumbing to the temptation of cracking a cold one with your old buddy, even after being around it all day. I can well imagine you have a lot of emotions going on. Like you said, it was like looking in a mirror and seeing what your life would be like if you were still drinking. I have a question: When you say you "make excuses for his drinking to be okay," are you making those excuses to yourself in your head? Or is he saying something along the lines of "yeah, I probably drink too much," and you're saying "No, man, you're fine. You have a lot on your plate" because you don't want to seem like you're judging an old friend?
Making excuses in my own head. Or having conflict in my own head. Just getting through the day with him and trying not to feel the pain of it all.
I suppose it’s my pain to feel and come to terms with. Maybe a little too much of a challenge this time. Need time to process the information I think.
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Old 08-11-2018, 01:30 PM
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I'm right behind you, coming up on 18 months myself.

Watching an old drinking buddy get loaded rattled your Beasts cage. So what!?

18 months is awesome. And sitting around getting loaded is super lame. I remember doing it near the end when a good friend came to visit. She had one beer and I had like 12. Nothing cool about that.

I bet a big part of your friend wishes to have what you've got now that you don't drink.
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Old 08-11-2018, 01:39 PM
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Originally Posted by BillieJean1 View Post
I'm right behind you, coming up on 18 months myself.

Watching an old drinking buddy get loaded rattled your Beasts cage. So what!?

18 months is awesome. And sitting around getting loaded is super lame. I remember doing it near the end when a good friend came to visit. She had one beer and I had like 12. Nothing cool about that.

I bet a big part of your friend wishes to have what you've got now that you don't drink.
He wants it alright,
Just he can’t get his head round how.
Love him to bits yet I can’t do anything to save him.
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Old 08-11-2018, 02:04 PM
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P.s well done on 18months billie j
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Old 08-11-2018, 04:36 PM
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congrats on your upcoming 18 months Snowy.

I remember other threads you had on these lines recently- not wanting to drink but feeling low and feeling like being hit by a tonne of bricks?

I think sometimes we feel we have to feel upbeat and super motivated all the time and of course that's not sustainable for anyone.

We have to take the downs with the ups, just like everyone else, alcoholic or not.

Having said that though it does concern me that this is a bit of a recurring element for you lately tho, over several weeks now - what are you doing for your recovery right now apart from SR Snowy?

D
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Old 08-11-2018, 06:52 PM
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18 months is a serious accomplishment Snowy. Congats and thank you for your being present on SR.

Tough to see a friend suffering from something you were able to save yourself from. I know how my demons might use that to have me thinking about drinking again. Not that I ever would, nor will you. But I understand the conflict in your head, even if I'm not articulating it properly here.

A year and a half sober is something else. Nice work, as I know it's work, even if it's the good kind. Huge congrats. Thanks for sharing this post.
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Old 08-12-2018, 12:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
congrats on your upcoming 18 months Snowy.

I remember other threads you had on these lines recently- not wanting to drink but feeling low and feeling like being hit by a tonne of bricks?

I think sometimes we feel we have to feel upbeat and super motivated all the time and of course that's not sustainable for anyone.

We have to take the downs with the ups, just like everyone else, alcoholic or not.

Having said that though it does concern me that this is a bit of a recurring element for you lately tho, over several weeks now - what are you doing for your recovery right now apart from SR Snowy?

D
I’m not doing anything new for my recovery.
Just trying to ease myself into situations that I previously would have avoided.
Training a new apprentice for my business, even this seems a worry.

Maybe I should do something for myself. Go swimming or bird watching.
I never seem to be able to find the time to regularly do something for myself.

I do still have underlying relationship issues which I address a little at a time. Takes its toll on my zen/Qi.
Also it’s still Floating around in my mind that my mum has terminal cancer and a poorly functioning heart.
Can’t seem to get things in order in my brain.
Things will be alright.
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Old 08-12-2018, 12:38 AM
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I have a disc bulge in my back which is making me grumpy too.
Having treatment for it (luckily my girlfriend is a physiotherapist)

I might just be exhausted.
Had an hour sleep in the afternoon yesterday and a good nights sleep last night.
Feel a little better today.

I seem to go in cycles of where I hit a point where I need to start again.
Building myself up day by day until I feel good or great for a longer time each time then collapse.

Is this normal?
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