He sounds like a classic alcoholic. Expect nothing.
With respect to his family, do you have a stock of bland responses you can use if they start in on how he's really a good guy and wants to be a great dad? I have had some success with:
"I see it differently"
"I think we have to agree to disagree on that"
"Thanks for your perspective"
"I guess we don't see eye to eye about [ex]"
"I respect your opinion even though I don't share it"
Another concept that really helped me was "don't JADE" - Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. If you find yourself doing any of those (and addicts are masters at manipulating conversations around so that you're JADEing - because that takes the heat off them and also keeps you engaged), stop talking.
It is really infuriating to have to deal with these kind of situations, so I empathize with you!