Another weekend, another almost dead again
It is now Monday. I've eaten maybe 3 bites since Friday morning. I guess I have ulcer(s). On Friday, I wanted to go out and do something, but everyone else had to work on Saturday morning, and I kind of wanted to just walk around downtown alone. Long story short - talked for hours with some heavy anime nerds, ended up at a house party, then it hit. Hard.
Neon bile started spewing out of my face while listening to the Grateful Dead in the grass on a beautiful morning. Luckily I have a friend who never sleeps and got my text string of "helps." I spent all weekend force-sleeping, hallucinating intensely, going through hot/cold sweats. If I was a homeless person or didn't have friends to take care of me, I would be dead right now. I'm taking Bentyl every 12 hours to keep from ****ing myself. All I have are 3 notches on the tree stump to show for it, and I didn't even mean to get those ones. I just can't believe this has happened 10 times in a row and 10 times I've not learned my lesson. What does that say about me? I'm so worried about myself. I am the definition of pathetic.