Needing direction
I have been married for 26 years. My husband is a good man, but is an alcoholic.
We have two children, our oldest daughter is 23 and our youngest is forever 11. We lost our son in July 6, 2013, when a man hit him while he was riding his horse with a friend. He suffered broken bones and a traumatic brain injury. It was the worst day of our lives. Immediately after, my husband's drinking increased to include hard liquor, hiding his drinking and going away from me, staying out with friends, ignoring my phone calls, etc. He was absolutely crazy with anger that the man who killed our son was no billed and free. Eventually, we had to sell our house because he wouldn't work, therefore, couldn't make the payments. He refused to live with me because I moved into a rent house in town and he didn't want to live "in town". It was heartbreaking for me because I loved my husband and had tried for so long to reconcile our marriage to no avail. He stayed with different friends and from time to time, he would show up at my house and stay there using the shower, wash his clothes, eat, etc. Then he would disappear again. The weekends would come and I'd call him, hoping we could spend time together, but he ignored my calls. He would go out of town with his friends, never including me. There was even a high school female friend he spent alot of time with, but said he was doing nothing wrong. I did not know this woman, only knew of her. When he was around me, he was rude and disrespectful to me. Once, when I was having some unexplained pain, he told me to "take a pain pill" and left to supposedly go "hunting" with a friend. He was constantly accusing me of having other men at my house, saying that he "saw" a truck outside my house. He has told me on many occasions that he was going to divorce me, that he didn't want to be married, but never did anything about it. I feel sure he has told me so many lies, yet as his wife, I chose to believe him and continued to stay married to him.
Now, after much torment, disappointment, heartache and soul searching, I have made the decision to divorce him. I have done some research on alcoholics and the effects it has on marriages and have learned alot about narrsistic personality disorder and how alcohol effects it. I was floored to learn that my husband has almost all the traits. Its heartbreaking !!! He even had these tendencies before we lost our son. But my way of looking at it is that he could have chosen to get help for grief and alcoholism before it was too late. I had remained faithful to him, always there for him, no matter what. I have struggled for years, with his behaviors and I'm now giving in to divorce. I have also read about toxic relationships, which I'm certain I have been in a very toxic relationship for years and as heartbreaking as it is, I need to free myself from it. I love my husband, but feel that I cannot continue to allow this to happen. Now, that I have filed for divorce, for the past 2 weeks, he has been trying to win me back, saying that he's sorry, wanting to meet up for dinner, etc. He has also said he has asked God for forgiveness. He has said he would leave me alone, and he has, for a few days, so far.
I am thankful I found out more about narrsistic personality disorder and toxic relationships....Im glad to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this. I truely thought I was going to go crazy.....I just wish it hadn't happened to us.