I keep hearing the same things over and over again. Go to Aa. Go to the bipolar center
the message here as i understand it is that YOU need to TAKE ACTION for sobriety. YOU need to do whatever it takes, go to any lengths. cuz doing what you have been doing is NOT working.
you drank when your neighbor lived across the street.
you drank when he moved away.
you drank when you heard he was sick.
you drank when you heard he passed away.
the situations external to you are NOT the problem. they are only excuses. we've heard them all.
things are not going to get better on their own.
it comes down to you.