My husband has really messed up our finances as well with careless spending, poor judgement using credit and not contributing much at all to supporting his family. He use to be a much more functional alcoholic, however, now his idea of working is to drive to the bank to make a deposit from money he isn't earning from our business ... I am. He then works up a sweat by having to withdraw lots of cash and make endless exhausting trips to convenience stores ...then constantly complains how he never has any food to eat after spending hundreds of dollars every week on "gas"??? He constantly rages at me that 'he isn't drinking' - until I have come across bottles hidden in his car. He then insists he has no idea where the wine came from ?!?! but at least for a while he stops telling me he isn't drinking. It is also strange since he doesn't have any money for food, that he has gained weight. I tell him it must be from the "liquid" diet he is on and he acts like he has no idea what I am talking about. He spends more at assorted stores (he is a wine drinker) every week than I do to feed and care for 3 people. Since we are married, share a business, a home (though we do not live together) and children, trying to stop him from squandering our money is legally tough. I have little patience for money he robs from our children's well being and college funds, and that causes me to compensate by working long, long hours.
I know if I weren't married with children & sharing a mutual business (that makes divorce even more financially disasterous), I could not personally tolerate staying in this type of relationship. I would be compelled to give him the wonderful opportunity of living with the results of his own poor choices - such as running out of money and risk living in his car he couldn't afford gas for - it almost happened a few months ago and for awhile his careless spending and drinking really slowed down. We put most of our accounts online last year and he had surprise when I could suddenly track his spending ... and he didn't like it too much, but it was an eye opener for me and has really helped.
S.W.