he was what you knew. habit. hardly no one is awful ALL the time.....that's why we get stuck IN abusive relationships......there is a cycle....and the GOOD them usually showed up immediately after the bad/abusive them got done. so we came to believe that if we could just survive the abuse, we'd get the caring, attentive, loving partner again.
only it never WAS truly caring or attentive or loving. because abuse is none of those. ever.
no abuse is ever worth a day of nice.
he is not worth it. not at all. let have him. and good luck with that.
it's time to start looking forward, not behind you. to what can be, not what was. the universe has such abundance......